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Monday, December 22, 2014

If I Giggle, It Posts....

There has been an ongoing banter with a coworker about my trip to England next year and somehow our witty exchanges have become cow-focused for several weeks now.  We even have a bet that I will not see a cow while I'm visiting.  (He's soooo going to lose). 

Always looking for a way to gain the upper hand in any debate, I decided it would be funny to find a big poster of a cow and put it in his cubicle while he was away on travel, but what I found was soooo much better!

Meet Bessie.  A nearly life-size cardboard cow. Here we are hanging out last night as I bid her farewell...

And this is where Bessie is now.  

I couldn't just stop at the cow, though.  That was funny, but I still needed to punch it up a bit.  And so, I used every cow pun I could think of:  Don't Have a Cow Man, Happy Moo Year, Cowabunga, Heifer Self a Merry Little Christmas, etc. and posted them all over his cube.  The sign on the cow's rear says "BEWARE of the Dairy-Air" 

But even that wasn't enough.  So I scoured the web for cow cartoons and printed out my favorites to line his desk.  The best are below:

And my ABSOLUTE favorite.  The one that makes me giggle out loud every time I see it:


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Taking a Teen's Cell Phone....

Recently my daughter decided to leave the comfort and protection of our home and sneak out to go meet up with a (gasp!) BOY.  Our local police department put a swift end to her little adventure with a 2 a.m. phone call from my little darling and one of our city's finest.

She promptly got grounded, though that's not very effective when the only places your kid goes is school and home. BUT I also took away all electronics, and THAT seems to have hit the spot.  Since then, I've been receiving pleas to get her phone back...

First, the drawing (note my extra long arms):

ME: You've been a great child, here's your phone.
HER: Wow. Thanks Mom.

Then there was the LIST...

And ANOTHER list...

And then, finally, there was the letter:

Favorite line:  I grow more every day.
I'm not the same silly immature child I was on Tuesday.

(I especially like the deliberate misspelling and poor grammar)

Dear Mom,
I need my phone back.  I’m going through a withdrawal of no internet.

W/O internet ma speling iz gonna goe. I ned it so ma gramer an vokabulure donut leave. I hv 2 pass eith greatde or I wil b sad. Plz mum helpe a gurl owt an giv bak hur celuler divis. Or els I wil live with yu 4eva an eva until thuh daye yu dye.

Let’s save my grades and spelling with connection to the outside world, I learn new slang definitions every day! Being isolated from my world of cool kids will cause me to go insane. In fact, I already have.

Agin yu cood hv 2 live with thiss horibul speling 4eva an handrighting like Cody’s. donut lete thiss happin 2 yu.

So Mom, I grow more every day. I’m not the same silly immature child I was on Tuesday. I will not sneak out again for stupid reasons like so. But if Eminem ever comes to Marion at 2 a.m. I might. Just a warning. So I should have my phone. It’s very important to my vital social skills.

Thx Mum!!!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things - 9/19

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants.

It's been awhile since I put up something new for the celebration, but only because Friday keeps sneaking up on me.  This week, we're celebrating THINGS THAT MADE ME LAUGH.

1.  Epic dot battle on a coworker's white board.  He deserved it.

2. THIS review.  OMG, I laughed until I cried all my make up off.  

3. My Kids.  When the dog refused to go for a walk, my son decided to walk the leash instead.

BONUS: My daughter wrote me the funniest letter ever, but it deserves its own post. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014


We're in the market for a new car, which (of course) means we have to square off with that dreaded beast, the car salesman.  To our credit, I think our last few deals have been remarkably better than our first few were, but it's still a complete drag.  You have to watch every word you say from the moment they shake your hand because much like the justice system, every word you say CAN and WILL be used against you in the finance room.

So, we went to look on Sunday when the lot is closed so we could look in peace. My husband surprised me last night by suggesting we go to the lot to look again, knowing full well we'd probably be driving a new car home as our negotiating skills have improved over the years, but our general will power to walk away has not.

When we get to the lot, I set the stopwatch on my phone and we take bets on how long it will take for the salesman to accost us.  I've seen it happen in less than 30 seconds. Hell, sometimes my seat belt is still on when they are striding our way.  I guessed 2 minutes.  Hubs was a little more optimistic at 5.

We passed the 30 second mark safely, then the minute.  Wow.  We managed to scrutinize several window stickers without being harassed.  Two minutes come and go, then three and four.  I started feeling insulted.  What, didn't we look like viable customers?  I've never NOT been assaulted by a salesman on a car lot.  And we were clearly interested, with my daughter draping herself across the hood of one car or another and the man and I peering through windows and pointing out features.

Five minutes.  No salesman.  We head over to the used section.  We had planned to lease a new vehicle, but the car bug had taken hold and a recent model used car could be purchased for about the same as a new lease, monthly payment wise.  

At seven minutes, I put my phone away.  Up and down the aisles we went.  Finally, after narrowing it down to a couple, we decided to bite the bullet and go find a salesman inside. Twenty minutes had passed and no one had even said hello.  I was feeling miffed at being ignored and would have been happy to teach them a lesson by driving off, but no...the lure of a new car was too strong!

And that's when we realized the dealership closed at 6:00 (about the time we left our house).  I guess we just weren't meant to buy a car. LOL

Monday, August 11, 2014


I really did it this time, folks.  For an intelligent woman, I do some really stupid stuff sometimes.  Case in point:

We didn't over-plan our vacation, but we did have a few must-have stops on the list.  One was a tour of Paramount Studios and the other was a trip to the beach.  

If you've not been to L.A., let me give you one piece of advice:  if you find a bathroom, use it.  Every time.  Even if you don't have to go.  Back here in the Midwest, public bathrooms are a way of life.  Everywhere you go there's a restroom open -- and most are nice!  Not so L.A.  In order to keep the homeless away from their businesses, none of them let the public use their facilities.  In fact, they will look you straight in the eye and swear they don't have any toilets at all...but you know that can't be true -- who can hold it through an 8 hour shift at work?

So anyway, we had planned for a morning tour of Paramount, then lunch, then the beach.  I decided the most prudent course of action would be to put my swimsuit on under my clothes so I wouldn't have to hunt out a mythical restroom to change into it later.

Three of us had near bladder explosions before Paramount.  We searched for an hour but couldn't find a public restroom.  My daughter even downloaded a bathroom app on her phone!  I congratulated myself on the bathing suit scheme.  I was ready to go, even if we didn't find another restroom.

I had a little wardrobe malfunction when I took my t-shirt off in the beach parking lot.  This was a new suit, so I didn't think anything of it.  Just made a mental note to watch the straps a little more carefully.

But once in the water I noticed not only did the straps seem to be placed weird, they were SEE THROUGH.  Oh my.  But then, after bouncing in the waves for 10-15 minutes I figured it out.

I'd gotten dressed in the dark and put my swimsuit on BACKWARDS.  

I think I owe a public apology to everyone who was at Venice Beach that day.....

Friday, August 8, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants.

I've been a bad participant, but it's only because Fridays keep sneaking up on me.  If I listed everything I've been celebrating since my last post, you'd be here a long, long time.  So let's keep it to my standard 3 so you can be on your way. 

1. It took 4 years, but I finally heard from THIS GUY. (Keeping his name off the blog now, no need to harrass him for an eternity).

2. VACATION!  Got home Sunday night from a week in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. (Now if someone can please help me get that Walking In LA song out of my head....)

3. FAMILY!  While on vacation, I got to see lots of family, it doesn't get better than that!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

The Search Is Over!!!

If you've been with me for awhile, you may remember the crazy dream I had a few years ago about moving to Chicago and being invited by my new neighbor to go to Morocco for the weekend with him and his daughters.  I Googled his name when I woke up and discovered there really WAS a Craig Niedermaier in the Chicagoland area and so began my quest to lure him to the blog to leave a comment.

It took nearly four years, but the search is finally over. I'm officially declaring July 29th as Craig Niedermaier Day.  I think a celebration is in order, don't you? 

Mr. Niedermaier, if you're reading this, I just want to thank you for being a good sport!

Friday, June 20, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants.

This week I'm celebrating in pictures:

 1.  Living in an area where I can walk through natural beauty. 

2.  My sense of humor.  If you look around, you will find something ridiculous to laugh at every day.  This week it was this book, The History of Farting.  A little crude, perhaps, but what made me bust up laughing was the title of the sequel:  The Future of Farting.

3.  My beautiful daughter (my other children are just as lovely, but the oldest moved out and the youngest doesn't sit still long enough to catch him on film.)
Have a fabulous weekend, all!

Friday, June 13, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. I went to the TED event last Friday.  It wasn't quite what I expected, but it was still a great afternoon, and I'll probably go again next year.

2. My work allows us to take every other Friday off if we still get our 80 hours in over the course of the 2 weeks prior....equals an extra 6 days off over the summer.  WOO HOO!

3. And finally, today marks the 3 month anniversary of buying my FitBit, and last night I hit ONE MILLION STEPS.  This is what it looks like: 

Yeah, it kinda looks like steps 1 - 999,999 (half of them anyway, the other half my LEFT foot is in front, LOL) but I'm still celebrating. 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

t's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. I missed last week because I was out celebrating my daughter's 13th birthday.  From the best chocolate croissants in the land to a late night movie, we spent the whole day together and had a blast!

2. Going to a wedding tomorrow.  It's always fun to wallow in those sappy, romantic moments, plus we get to see family we haven't seen for awhile.

3. Been walking in the mornings, and I just love watching the sunrise.  So lovely!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. I got BLITZED!  Completely unexpected and so much fun.  If you aren't part of the Blog Blitz Team yet, you can sign up HERE.

2. I went to Wal-Mart to pick up allergy meds for the young 'uns and ran into a friend I hadn't seen for a year.  Made my night!

3. My husband broke his foot last Friday, which in itself is nothing to celebrate, until I heard about a woman (younger than me) whose husband passed away the same day and suddenly I'm grateful we only have to deal with a couple little bones. 


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Post Blitzing Glow


When I signed up to be on the Blog Blitz team it never occurred to me that I might be on the receiving end someday.  I was so surprised when the comments started rolling in.  They made me smile all day!  

THANKS to everyone who stopped by to say hi.  A special thanks goes out to DL whose the proud creator of the Blog Blitz.  You guys didn't just make my day, you've made my WEEK!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Even MORE Cody Quotes -

I meant to put this up for Mother's Day, but my husband broke his foot on Friday so I've been doing other things. Without further ado, I give you real quotes from my kidlings:

Me: It's going to be a GREAT DAY!  
Me: Wait, no.  Not going to IS a great day.
Cody: I hate Mondays
Cody: And Tuesdays.....and the first twelve hours of Wednesday.

Cody just started wearing deodorant.  On the first day he approached me with his arms up in the air. "Mmmm. I smell something masculine and clean."  

He stands in front of me, arms raised, watching expectantly until I sniff in the general direction of his arm pit and say, "Mmm it smells like ocean surf. So manly."

Me: Cody, why does the dog do that? Why does she go outside only to want right back in?
Cody: I don't know.  Maybe you should call the DOG-ter

Cody is great at math, but hates doing it:
"We have to hurry up and do math and we have to face the horror of problem solving yet again." 

My daughter argues like a wolf attacks.  She comes out of nowhere until you don't know which end is up and wears you out. An actual conversation:

Me: Kiersten, did you put your laundry away?
K: (nothing)
(maybe she didn't hear me...)
Me: Kiersten, did you put your laundry away?
Me: If you don't get your laundry put away, your friend cannot spend the night.
K: Yeah, well Dad's old.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?  Have you put your laundry away?
K: You let Courtney do whatever she wants!

Me: Poor Rudolph.  He never got to play any reindeer games. And I bet they were playing checkers or something cool.
Cody: Strip poker.
Me: What???!

Showing off his impressive vocabulary:
Cody:  In vernacular English, puppy refers specifically to dogs
(I don't think I've ever used vernacular in a sentence)

They were showing security camera footage on the news, Cody says: "Oh the frame rate on those cameras is awful!"

From my daughter #1:
"Kyle put celery down the back of my shirt today." 
P A U S E 
"I like Kyle."

Something I never thought I'D say:
"Get your foot out of the toilet, RIGHT NOW."

I just found a song my daughter secretly recorded on my voice recorder when she was 8:

Mom, Mom.
Ohhh Mom
Mom, I have something to say

Mom, I love you
Through all the ups and downs.
Mom, I love you
It's just a thing I say.
Mom, I love you.

I know you love me back
But you as my mom
I'm loving you.
If I have to decide through
Lovin you or a radio
I'd choose you.

Oooohhhh, Mom
I love you.

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all the AWESOME MOMS out there!

Friday, May 9, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means its time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. The Dollar Store.  My dearest, darling daughter goes through earbuds like crazy.  I've quit spending $5-15 per pair and just stock up on them at the dollar store.  The sound may not be as good, but she's just going to lose / break them in a week so it doesn't matter.

2. This week I took 20,000 steps in one day.  Have I mentioned I love my fitbit?

3. I don't have to work this weekend.  The people of this county can go out and wreak whatever havoc they feel necessary, I won't have to type ANYTHING up for court this weekend.  WOO HOO!

Friday, May 2, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means its time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. MAY!!!!  'nuff said
2. There's a TED conference coming to a town nearby, and I got a ticket!  The speakers aren't going to be as well-known as with the main stream conference, but I'm still pretty jazzed.
3. Found a dress I love for a wedding at the end of the month! 

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Insulted by the Dog

Our dog is a bit of a scaredy cat.  She's afraid of the dark, thunderstorms, the rain, the wind, loud noises, etc.  She's so anxious, that she often REFUSES to go outside to do her business if the grass is wet. 

We've tried bribing her by giving her a treat when she comes in from her potty breaks, but sometimes that just isn't enough of an incentive.

Recently, I gave her a treat and caught her on the couch doing this:

I admit, it's pretty cute watching her burying her treasure in the crack of the couch...but then this morning she tried to bury it under my bootie.  I'm not sure, but I think she's trying to get even with me putting her in the garage yesterday because she had refused to go to the bathroom for 24 hours.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means its time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. My 21st wedding anniversary (I got married when I was 7....)

2. Got our new Roku up and running without any problems.  Might just cancel cable as soon as our bundled contract period is up.

3. I did THIS to a coworkers cubicle.  Who doesn't want to go to a luau -- especially after traveling all week?

I lined the walls with a pink tablecloth, but you can see through it, (doggone)

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Tuesday, April 22, 2014


While out walking this weekend, I stumbled upon a bit of unexpected inspiration.  Here's the trail I was on.  It looks like it goes on forever, but it's only about 3/4 of a mile long.

Along the way, I saw lots of little cracks in the pavement and I couldn't figure out what was causing them until I came across this:

This should be impossible.  This mere seedling yields to the slightest touch, but somehow managed to plow its way through five inches of asphalt all on its own.  Amazing.

This is a lesson in persistence for all of us. If this weed can persevere in hostile conditions, so can we.  Writing / Publishing / Parenting / Life is hard ... but if we just keep pushing forward, we'll eventually break through and into the light.  PLUS, the path we forge through our struggles make it easier for others to follow.


Friday, April 18, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means its time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. I trimmed my thumbnail today - now before you say "big whoop" or "You're taking this small thing celebration too far", let's give you some context.  Last November, I shut my thumb in the car door. Six weeks later, the nail fell off.  (It really wasn't as gross as it sounds).  I've been waiting almost six months for this day. It's not quite back to normal yet, but I'm still celebrating. 

2. Our dog got out during a storm this week, but we got her back the next morning, thank goodness.  Microchipping is good, but don't forget the good old-fashioned collar with tags!

3. My sister is coming for a weekend visit today.  YAY!

Friday, April 11, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means its time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1.  While out walking with my daughter, a car honked at us. Honestly, they probably honked at her, but she’s only 12 (doesn’t look it, but I assure you she is).  Since I’m sure the driver would be mortified if he knew he’d honked at a middle schooler, I think the proper thing is for me to assume responsibility for that blast of appreciation thereby saving everyone else involved from undue embarrassment.

2.  I found a new home for our sweet bunny.  My husband and I found out we were allergic soon after adopting her three years ago.  Since then we’ve been trying every way we could think of to manage the allergies, when that failed we started the search for a new home, and finally found just the right match.  Hope she’s very happy!

3.  I have walked 10,000 steps (or more) every day this week. On a normal day (without seeking out exercise) I walk about 4-5,000 steps, so I’ve doubled my activity!  If anyone has a Fit Bit and wants a friend to cheer them on, let me know.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Felony Funnies

The best and worst things about my weekend job is reading the police reports.  Some days I don't have time to do more than skim through for the information I'm looking for, but sometimes the situation is so bizarre, I get sucked right in like it's a best-selling novel.  Unlike a novel, though, I only get to read the set-up, there are always so many unanswered questions.
For example, officers were looking for participants of a bar fight.  They came across some individuals matching the description of the suspects hanging out in front of a convenience store.  One subject had blood stains on his boxers , which were clearly visible because his britches hung so low.  The officer wrote in his report  “Deputy Z collected Defendant A’s boxers as evidence.” 
Which made me wonder…..

How do you go about telling a man (who may or may not have violent tendencies) that you need to take his underwear?
  • How did they decide who was going to ask for them? (rock paper scissors? seniority?)
  • Did “Defendant A” put up a fight?
  • If his boxers weren't clearly visible, would they have had to get a search warrant before seizing them?

Anyone else think that would make a hysterical scene?

Monday, April 7, 2014

Mock Thee Monday - Doggie Bag

A couple weeks ago I went to a women's conference. It was two days of inspiration, motivation, and fun.  

...and unexpected chuckles.

The first day at lunch, they served an ENORMOUS chicken breast with rice and veggies.  These poor chickens must have been on some military grade steroids because I've never seen a chicken grow large enough to yield such a huge chunk of meat.  It shouldn't be surprising, then, that one of the women at our table asked for a box to take 2/3 of her meal home.

What WAS surprising, though, was the hotel's reaction.  The poor lady had to sign a WAIVER in order to receive a styrofoam box for her chicken.  This cracks me up every time I look at it.  They even required a WITNESS!  

Friday, April 4, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means its time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

This week I'm celebrating ...

1. Since buying my fitbit flex 2 weeks ago, I've walked nearly SIXTY miles!  

2.  My yard is officially SNOW FREE!

3. Les Miserables in T-minus 43 hours.

And let's not forget to celebrate the

W - E - E - K - E - N - D!!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

April Fool's!

Last year I colored all the toilets in the office and nobody said anything. 

This year, I opted to dress the restroom signs instead....

first I made cardboard templates

Then, instead of using post it notes, I used some scrap booking paper I had in the craft box.  The result:

I bet THIS gets noticed!

...and maybe I turned all the nameplates throughout the whole office backwards, too. Maybe.  You can't prove a thing.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Feel The Love - Flex Able

It seems I’m constantly trying to poke and prod myself into making healthier choices.  I start off strong, but then the motivation fades and bad habits reassert themselves and before you know it I’m back to square one again. Sound familiar?

During my highly motivated periods, I set exercise goals – even if it’s as simple as a walk after dinner.  But nerd that I am, I like to QUANTIFY these movements and know how far I’ve walked.  I also like to know if I’ve had an especially busy day painting a bedroom or whatever if that activity was vigorous enough to take the place of the mandated exercise. 

…so I’d buy a pedometer, but it would reset a half dozen times during the day -- every time I bumped into something -- and eventually I'd lose it.  

Enter the FitBit Flex. (I am not being compensated for this's real love.) It's a sleek and modern bracelet available in a bunch of colors.  It's water resistant, so I can wear it in the shower (but I don't...I'm really not all that active in the shower...).  There are no buttons, so I can't accidentally reset it. It also tracks my sleep and has a silent alarm to wake me up with a gentle vibration.  

It syncs to my phone / computer so I can check my progress from anywhere.  When I hit my goal, it lights up and buzzes in celebration. 
I'm not a slacker...I took this at 5 a.m.

I've discovered that even though it feels like I do a lot of walking at work (it's a big building) it's not enough to hit my daily goal, so I sometimes find myself speed walking through the house at night trying to put myself over the limit.  

My daughter filmed it tonight without my knowledge and O-M-G the footage makes all my Mock Me Mondays pale in comparison.  Me dancing (no music) willy nilly through the living room.  Me shuffle running in circles (she says I look like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland), me singing the step song over and over.  (Don't ask...)

Colossally embarrassing stuff.......but I made my 10,000 steps! 

Do you have a FitBit?  If you want to connect, send me a message! 

Friday, March 28, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants. 

I've got, I've got GREAT things to celebrate this week!

1. I bought tickets to see Les Miserables on stage.  It won't be a Broadway production, but I'm still pretty excited!

2. I bought tickets to take the family on a real vacation!  We've not flown anywhere since my son was born (and he's about to turn 11) so this is way overdue!  Come July, we're off to Vegas (to see family, we're not teaching the kids how to gamble) and California!

3.  I spent yesterday (and all of today) at a women's conference full of inspiration and motivation and laughs. 

Have a wonderful weekend!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Feel The Love - TED

No, my husband's name is not Ted and I'm not seeing anyone with that name.  

I'm talking about this TED:

TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, and Design, and there's a TED talk for pretty much anything you might be interested in...and a lot of things you didn't think could BE interesting. 

I'd heard of TED before, but on a whim a few weeks ago, I downloaded the app for my phone and my life will never be the same.


I was going to post links to my favorite talks, but I don't know if that's even possible because my favorite tends to be whatever I just watched.

I'll try to post a few that blew my mind:

Why We Make Bad Decisions (this is one of the last ones I watched)
Embrace the Shake (this was one of the first I watched. inspiring)
Folding Microscope (what it sounds like - way cool)
Needle Free Vaccines (implications of this are jaw dropping)

Really, I could go on and on. Some are surprisingly funny, and they all live up to the tag line Ideas Worth Spreading.  

I think what I love most is the counter-message to the doom and gloom that we get inundated with in today's media. There's no question we are facing some monumental challenges.  But listen to a few TED talks and you're going to leave with a sense of HOPE...that we can not only take on these problems, but solve them.  

Click over.  You won't be sorry.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Mock Me Monday - Time Management

I don't know why, but it seems on the weekends going to the movies is always a last-minute decision.  I check the listings, invite one of the kids to come with me and then we have to race out the door to make it to the theater in time.

Theaters must know this because they have extended the number of commercials and movie trailers they show before the main feature. This sometimes backfires though, because most of us don't care to sit through all the ads and the previews we've seen a dozen times before, so we put off going to the theater even longer.

This past weekend I checked the listings and decided that I could probably suffer through Mr. Peabody and Sherman.  It was starting in 20 minutes and it would take me that long to get to the theater, and even longer to navigate the parking lot, ticket line, and concession stand, but my daughter agreed to go so off we went.

We walked into the theater right on time and they were still running the ads, so we settled in and waited.

and waited.

and waited.

After 20 minutes, I went to find an employee and ask when they were going to start the movie.  She checked her movie list and said "That was supposed to start at 2:25" 

Yeah...that's why I hiked all the way out to the lobby.  Do you think I would walk out if it were playing?

So I trudge back to the theater, smug in the knowledge that MY interference was going to bring the movie to the masses.

But I waited.

and waited.

and waited.

This is ridiculous.  I thought.  Clearly they're just trying to subject us all to their ads.  Or maybe they hadn't sold enough tickets so were waiting until there were more people in the theater before starting.

After ten more minutes (a total of 30 waiting) I see an usher cruise through.  She was with the group I had talked to, so surely the previews would start rolling any minute.

But I waited.

and waited.

and waited.


I started to compose a scathing letter to management in my head.  I planned to out the theater on Facebook to all 7.5 of my friends.  Then, after 40 minutes of sitting in a dark theater, the previews FINALLY started.

And I waited.

and waited.

and waited....ten more minutes to make it through the previews.  I'd now invested FIFTY minutes of my time waiting for this theater to get off its hiney and show the film.

and then it happened.

The movie started.

and....... was the wrong one.  We'd wandered into the wrong theater and the movie WE wanted was next door, but since we'd sat for nearly an hour, there was no sense in getting up and changing theaters....and so we suffered through the Muppet Movie.  

It wasn't that the movie was bad, but it wasn't what I was expecting.  That's like going out for pizza and being given a salad instead.  There's nothing wrong with the salad, I enjoy them, but I like to PLAN to eat them, not be force fed them.

Periodically my daughter would lean over to me and whisper "WRONG MOVIE!"

So glad I was NICE to the employees when I asked about starting the movie.....