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Friday, October 25, 2013

I Wanna Smell Like A Hairy Beast

I have a strange affliction.  Even though my personal hygiene schedule is robust with regular showers, hair washing, nail clippings, laundry, and the like, I freak out whenever I smell something off. It doesn't matter if it's B.O., dog poo, or something rank and rotting; my very first thought every time is:

Oh My God.  Is That ME?

To my knowledge, it's never been me, but I keep worrying all the same.

At one of my jobs, there was a bank of restrooms.  Creature of habit that I am, I tended to use the very last stall.  It was a little larger and I presumed no one else would bother to walk all the way to the end.

Then one day I noticed what looked like dirt on the seat, and (you guessed it)

Oh My God.  Is That From Me?

So I started using another stall and checked back periodically -- and discovered that the spot came back even though I did NOT use that stall.  Whew.  It wasn't me.  Kinda gross that someone's hygiene wasn't up to snuff and they were leaving actual smudges of dirt on the seat but as long as it wasn't ME, I'm okay.

I'm jealous of my husband.  He takes a shower and I can smell his freshness upstairs before he even opens the door.  I use (currently) a vanilla verbena body wash from Bath & Body Works that smells HEAVENLY, but as soon as I'm out of the shower, it fades away.  My husband is a hairy beast, though, so I think the shower gel has more places to cling whereas I am NOT a hairy beast - I spend a good deal of time waxing, shaving, and plucking to ensure optimal smoothness - and so the scent just washes down the drain. 


Despite my paranoia about stinking, I hardly ever wear perfume.  Partly because when I was pregnant, the smell of perfume nauseated me so badly, I still have an aversion to it.  The other part is that it takes on a different fragrance on my skin than it has in the bottle, and after about 20 minutes, I've had enough.

My solution?  Febreze.  Yes, the fabric/room deodorizer is now my go-to scent.  I spritz a bit on my sweater or pants and am guaranteed to smell fresh for hours. Maybe some day I won't feel the need to wax/shave/pluck myself into hairless oblivion so my lovely shower gels will get a chance to work as advertised.  In a meantime, though...


1 comment:

Little Ms J said...

May I suggest L'Occitane's Almond Oil? I can't use lotion based shower wash because it clogs my pores, but for some reason using an anti-bacterial soap in the shower and then mixing a little of this HEAVENLY oil with lotion makes me smell yum. All day. Granted, the lotion I mix it with was stolen from my daughter. It's Shea Moisture's line of baby products. I wanted to eat her when I was rocking her at night and finally just snagged it.

Then I bought more for her.

Because I'm a good mom or something.