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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

For the Birds

My husband turned on The Birds last night before he went to bed.  Impossible as it may sound, I had never seen it before, so I stayed up to finally put that Alfred Hitchcock classic notch on my movie-watching post.  

I was underwhelmed.

First -- how stalkerish is the initial premise?  Woman has a chance meeting with a man in a bird store, she doesn't know who he is, so she copies down his license plate and has her daddy look it up.  So then she sneaks out to his weekend house, interrogates the small town residents -- including the school teacher -- to get the name of this man's little sister.  This didn't raise any red-flags with the locals!  Okay, I get it was another time and all of that but even back then if some strange woman starts asking a lot of questions about where a particular man lives and then a bunch of questions about his sister...no one thinks that's weird?

That's just the start of the Too Stupid To Live moments.  Said little girl begs strange woman to come to her birthday party.  Ummmm...what 11 year old would ask a stranger to come to her party?  Seriously?  Then, at said party (and I apologize to any of you who haven't seen the movie, but if you haven't seen it by now I'm doing you a favor) the birds attack for the first time.  What do the children do?  They all run around the yard and the adults have to corral them into the house.  I'm sorry, but doesn't the average 11 year old know that the house is the safe place?  Wouldn't it be natural for a kid at that age to run for cover inside?

Ok, let's assume that the kids were complete nitwits.  That doesn't excuse the adults from being TSTL.

Woman goes to the school to pick up girl because her mother is nervous about the bird attacks.  The class is in the middle of something, so she waits outside!  Hello...if I've been attacked THREE TIMES by birds already, and a neighbor has been KILLED am I going to (a) drive across town in a convertible?  (b) care that the class is in the middle of a song?  or (c) wait for them to finish by waiting it out on the playground?  Hell no.

If you get past THAT, then tell me why on earth you are going to send a school full of children OUTSIDE when the birds have congregated on the playground equipment and are giving them the eye?  Shocker, as soon as the kids go outside, the birds go crazy.  Who would've seen that coming?

So woman takes shelter in the local restaurant.  While the birds are going berserk, these brilliant residents GO OUTSIDE AGAIN.  Okay, you morons, you deserve to have your eyes poked out.  Seriously.  Crazy woman is one of the boneheads who runs outside -- and she takes shelter in a phone booth.  The birds are dive bombing it, so what does she keep doing?  OPENING THE DOOR!  In true 60's form, a man comes to save her.

And all that brings us to the climax.  After enduring a harrowing attack on the home, genius blonde chick hears something upstairs.  Does she alert the others?  No, she investigates on her own because clearly all of her decisions up to this point have been stellar and she can handle this.

The birds have pecked their way through the room and have invaded the bedroom.  She's attacked (go figure) and barely makes it out alive -- thanks to Big Strong Man who rescues her yet again.

I normally like Alfred Hitchcock.  I like the supernatural twists - and he's brilliant at creating tension without being too graphic or obvious.  This one, though, should be left for the birds.


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3 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Now I want to go watch it again and catch all the stupidity...

Tami Von Zalez said...

Gotta love those "B" movies.

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Janet Johnson said...

You know, I've only seen bits and pieces of this movie, but LOL! You make me realize I'm not missing anything. :)