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Monday, December 5, 2011

Spammers Revenge

Let's face it, if you own a computer chances are good that you've had to deal with (a) spam (b) pop ups (c) viruses (d) all of the above at some time or other.  My computer is in the shop for the next few days which has left me plenty of time to plot revenge against said spammers/malware creators.  

So here are my list of things I wish I could do to those cretins of the internet:

1. I wish computers could have a "suit of armor" so no matter what spam/virus came at it, it'd bounce off the target and return to  infect the original owner.

2. I wish virus creators would catch a REAL virus.  Preferably something that requires a hospital stay....and lots of tests involving very large needles.

3. Oh, and some FOUL tasting medicine.  That has to be taken eight times a day. 

4. I wish the creators of those porn pop-ups would be reverse-infected with pop-ups for television evangelists.  

5. I wish spammers were restricted to an all Spam diet.

6. I'd like to sentence hackers and spammers and the like to a lifetime of living in the remotest areas.  No electricity let alone an internet connection. Yeah, that ought to do it.  

7. No, wait! I'd also like that remote location to be unbearably hot and have a thriving bug population -- you know like six inch cockroaches which they'd have to catch because it'd be their only food source.  

8. I'd like to publish their pictures all over the internet so their friends and family see what losers they are.

Your turn...what would you like to do to these cretins who live to take our computers down?

As soon as I get my real computer back, I'll announce the winner(s) for the blogfest last week.


Nicole MacDonald said...

I want to be able to make their mouses zap them every time click :)

Steve Bailey said...

I want us to pass a law that restricts a spammers right to use the internet.... I also like #8... like a lot!!

salarsenッ said...

I'm thinking these peeps are bored and have nothing else to do but irritate us. I just got my laptop back from computer guy, who found four viruses on it. He saved everything important to me, but the laptop is not working the same. Looks like I'm in the market for a new one.

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

hmmm... salarsen's comment got me thinking... do you suppose these people secretly work for the computer companies inflating up the demand for their product?

anyway, hmmm... i wish their fingers would be chopped off, widdled-down into handles, attached to spoon-heads, and used to scoop out their eyeballs... i think that's shy of cruel and unusual punishment, right?

Jules said...

Girl, you crack me up and think you have thought of everything. For the porn pop-ups I'd add... it turned on their webcam, took their picture and inserted their face in the pop-up. :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

GigglesandGuns said...

I love #4 but #8 is the best revenge.

Vick, remind me not to tick you off. You're kindda scary.


DL Hammons said...

I've done battle with numerous virus's and trojans over the years, and it's never fun. :(

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Their computers explode!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

I like the idea of bright colored indelible ink that splatters spammers when they click 'enter' to send off their cyber ick. Either getting them in the face through the webcam, or on their hands via the keyboard or mouse. The ink should glow in the dark too, so people in the real world can identify them both by day and night. *evil grin*