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Friday, December 16, 2011

Deja Vu Blogfest

I had a hard time choosing a post for today.  I amuse myself a great deal and there are a lot of posts that make me giggle, even a year later.  But I think the one that makes me laugh most is this one.

Check out one of our fabulous hosts for other participants:  DL Hammons, Nicole Ducleroir, CreepyQueryGirl, and Lydia Kang



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ASTROLOGY OF UNDERWEAR
I go through phases with my underwear.  I understand this may be more information than you need (or want) to hear.  

I don't really follow astrology (bear with me), but as a Libra the one thing I've read about my 'kind' is that we love balance and have a helluva time making decisions.  Both true on my part.  And since I was like this long before I ever heard I was *supposed* to be like this, I know it wasn't a self-fulfilling prophecy thing.

So, you're wondering what the heck does this astrology lesson have to do with my underwear?

That whole balance thing...plays itself out in my underwear.

WHOA.  
Okay, I need to back up and clarify. And QUICK.

Sometimes I buy practical underwear.  You know, plain, cotton, white.  It's comfortable.  It's wearable with white pants.  It's useful.

But sometimes I buy the pretty ones.  The colorful, the silky, the lacy, and/or the barely there ones.  They may not be comfortable but they make up for it because they're so pretty.

(again, probably more information than you need or want to know).

The two are diametrically opposed and therefore BALANCE each other out. (see?  astrology at work)

Well...

As luck would have it I recently purchased panties of the practical variety.  Plain white cotton.  Highly functional if not attractive.

But I hate them.  HATE them I say!

Two pairs in from a seven pair pack and I can't stand 'em.

Why?  (don't worry, there's no more astrology and no pictures)

Because they give granny panties a bad name.  These suckers are HUGE!  If I pulled them up to where they would naturally fall, I'd have a good three or four inches ABOVE the waistband of my pants/shorts/skirts. 

And no, I don't own any low-waisted pants.  (Bad look on me, just sayin')


Okay, so I lied about no pictures.  This doesn't count though because clearly they are not white so they are not mine. 

The problem -- beyond the obvious -- of my underwear extending so far above my waistband, is that I feel like they are screaming

"I want a wedgie!!"

THERE'S a bad image for you, friends.  A nearly 40 year old woman getting an old-fashioned wedgie.  You know, the junior-high school variety not the natural shift and slide kind.

Oh dear God, PLEASE don't let me get a wedgie in these (of ANY kind).  


Do you know how much excess material there is to WEDGE? ACK!

To cope, I kinda push down the waistband of the underwear so it will NOT peek outside the pants, but then there's this giant  wrinkly roll around my midsection.

Trust me when I say I don't need any extra wrinkles or rolls around my middle.

The sensible thing for me to do would be to toss them and start over, right?

But I can't.  I paid for them, and am now morally obligated to WEAR the damn things.

Besides, I tossed my other ones out.

UGH!

My advice to you?
Choose your underwear wisely, my friends.  

Next time I'm consulting an astrologer first.

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For other participants, visit one of our friendly blogfest hosts:
DL Hammons, Nicole Ducleroir, CreepyQueryGirl, and Lydia Kang

23 comments:

Jennifer Shirk said...

LOL!! Wise words.
I'm a Libra too, but I can tell you there isn't much balance there. I"m not very practical with my underwear choices. I always think, "What if I have an accident and need to be rushed to the hospital? What will the nurses and doctors think if I have drab underwear?"
I have issues. LOL

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I have some like these. They are the cute boy-cut style, but the waist band does more than peek above my jeans's waist band. Fortunately at this time of year, I'm not interested in showing my tummy, so no one can see them. (Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not interested in revealing my tummy at any time of the year!!!) :D

Gina said...

HAHAHA! I'm obsessed with underwear. I like my bras and underwear to match at all times, even when I have know no one will see them. But comfort is a must - I avoid thongs whenever possible!

BECKY said...

Sheeeesh, Vicki! Did you lose a lot of weight BEFORE you bought those big, old granny panties?! Or were they marked the correct size for you, and they're just maybe...irregulars?? I say, wash those monsters in hot water, and dry them in your dryer for a LONG time. That should shrink 'em!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Yes, way too much information, but funny as hell!

Jules said...

I so agree with Alex! I also knew you would give me a laugh this morning. Nice re-post!! :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

April Plummer said...

This cracked me up! Especially because it reminded me of a time I bought plain cotton underwear, and it turned out they must have been 10 sizes too big. I mean, they came up to my waist and sagged at the bottom. But, I wear them. which is difficult because I have to roll down the top so that it doesn't stick out of my jeans. LOL. So, I can relate!

Alison Miller said...

OMG - so HILARIOUS. That pic had me rolling! Great pick for the blogfest!

Carolyn V said...

LOL! Stinkin' underwear.

Julie Dao said...

Vicki, you crack me up! I love this philosophical musing about your underwear selections. Mine are always cute but usually practical - but that makes sense because I'm a Virgo!

Francine Howarth: UK said...

Hi,

A girl's dilemma: classic comfy, pretty chic, and OMG, are these for a Cindy doll?! ;)

Fun Read!

best
F

Lydia Kang said...

Here's to chucking grannie panties out the window.

This was hilarious, thanks for reposting it!

Amy L. Sonnichsen said...

LOL! Yep, that's about all astrology is good for, imho-- choosing underwear. LOL! :)

I accidentally bought underwear like that for my 10yo daughter and she refuses to wear them. I was mad about it (because I paid for them!), but after reading this, maybe I understand. I mean, I would hate that, too. Would NOT work with my low rise jeans!

This post totally made my day. Thanks, Vicki! :)

Brinda said...

Very funny! Guys have it so good in the underwear selection dept and they don't even realize it!

Jemi Fraser said...

Love it! I can't throw out things I've paid for easily either! :)

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I know you said Libras have a hard time making decisions, but THROW THEM AWAY, Vicki! THROW THEM AWAY!

Connie Keller said...

Chuck the granny panties. Or if their cotton use could try and talk your husband into using them as grease rags when he works on the car. Yeah, okay, never mind, bad idea.

Theresa Milstein said...

Thanks for the laugh! Glad you reposted.

Underwear is a tricky thing. How to cover without looking like you're trying to cover? And as you get older, there's more to cover.

Sarah said...

Bwahahaha! Yes, PLEASE toss those and start over. Sounds like daily torture! But it was very funny to read about, so thanks!

DL Hammons said...

I remember this post from the first time it ran. If you listen very carefully I think I can still hear the echos of my laughter from the first time!!!!!

Great re-post selection! :)

Jennifer Hillier said...

Hilarious!! I'm glad you chose this for the blogfest, because I needed that laugh.

I wear bikini underwear, mainly because I find they have just the right amount of material - not too much, not too little. :)

julie fedderson said...

I refuse to wear grannie panties. I will be rocking thong Depends when I'm in my eighties. Right now I'm a huge fan of those stretch lace kind--pretty but comfy.

mish said...

I had a good chuckle here in my little corner of the globe on this Sunday morning!
Nice to meet you! *waves*

~MISH~
http://writer-in-transit.co.za/deja-vu-blogfest/