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Monday, November 7, 2011

Mock Me Monday - Chocolate Boy

We're dong something a little different today.  We found a treasure trove of my daughter's early writings this weekend.  We laughed so hard, we cried...or I did.  So I'm going to share one of my favorites with you.  The file was entitled "Chocolate Boy" but I have no idea where that came from, as you shall see. 

I should note that she was only 9 when she wrote this.

“Kelly Carson lived with her incredibly good looking little brother, Jake, who happened to be 8 years hold.”
“Jake, I told you not to mess this up. It’s old, O-L-D. Now the narrator isn’t gonna like us anymore!”
“Well how can we hide our mistake?”
“I know, if the narrator’s out getting a doughnut, we can
crumple up our mistake and hide it, in- in- in his coffee cup!” Kelly said.
“Yeah, that’s a great idea!” Jake agreed.
They’re a bunch of idiots... Jake, Kelly, I heard every thing you said. So now I’m gonna tell the story the right way.
“Fine!” Kelly replied.
“I hate you.” Jake muttered.
Kelly Carson was 14 years old and Jake was 8 years old. They lived on a farm with no one besides the animals. Kelly had to drag him by his hands to take him to her farm. Jake had one- maybe two, no fifty-seven, hold on, let me look at my papers, oh three. Sorry. Jake had three problems, his hyper activeness, his short-term memory loss, and his bad hearing.
“Jake, did you feed the horses yesterday? They’re lookin’ kinda thin.” Kelly said.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jake asked.
“I said did you feed the horses yesterday?” Kelly said.
“I don’t know!” Jake said.
“You’re a stupid super-hyper-bad hearing-short term memory- little kid!” Kelly said.
“Then you’re a piece of- of- of-fish rap!” Jake cried.
“Jake, calling me fish rap, is going to make you a bunny. You better be careful, I’ve been practicing my magic.”
“Shut up, Kel- Ahhh!” Jake screamed.
“POOF, you’re a bunny!” Kelly said.
“Mom and Dad are gonna kill you once they see me!” Jake said.
“Didn’t think of that, bye!” Kelly said.
“Kelly, come back here! You better come back here!” Jake said.
“Sorry, cannot understand bunny. Good-bye little bunny, I’m going to California to live at least until you die. Bye!” Kelly said. “Oh, and just in case Mom can still talk to bunnies, I’ll tape you’re mouth shut with DUCK TAPE! Come here ducks!”
“Quack! Quack! Quack!”
“Ducks, tape him.” Kelly said.
“No!” Jake cried.
I may have told this story, but when I sent it to the editor, it came back with lines, red and green. So maybe I’ll keep telling the story, but this time, maybe I won’t let those two little hillbillies write the story. I’ll have to hire a writer.

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vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

hee! how funny! the apple didn't fall far, huh? :)

Bish Denham said...

That is hysterical! Is your daughter aiming to be a comedian or a comic writer?

Janet Johnson said...

Great story! Loved the duck tape:D

Kristi said...


salarsenッ said...

That was great! I love how she had the characters interact. Very cleaver and nicely done! (Hugs proud momma..)

GigglesandGuns said...

OMG! Another Erma in the making. How wonderful.

shelly said...

I remember writing silly stuff like that at nine. But my stories were always inspired by monsters and vampires.

Your daughter should keep writing. That was excellent stuff.

Copyboy said...

Wow! You know there is a comic book team of an adult artist and a second grader. Axeman I think it's called. Your daughter could maybe get into that :)

Lydia Kang said...


Julie Musil said...

OMG that's great! "little hillbillies" *snort, snort*

Theresa Milstein said...

A writing family. I couldn't have written anything like that when I was a kid. I'm a hack.

Carolyn V said...

Hee hee hee. That is SO awesome!

Jules said...

LOL, I sure needed a bit of childish humor this morning. Why do I get kids so well? :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

LTM said...

LOL! Only three problems. No big whup. This is hilarioius. Duck tape... :D *snort* I love kid writing. I might do this w/some of Laura's stuff. It's hilarious. <3