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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I'm Not Gonna Lie...

THIS made me a wee bit teary.

After 72 years of marriage, an [Iowa] couple dies within an hour of each other -- still holding hands.  What a wonderfully sweet/sad story.

Last chance to sign up...tomorrow is the big day!

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or something you'll just never understand. 
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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Blast from the Past

Twenty years ago today my husband and I went on our first date.  One of these days I'll illustrate THAT story, but in the meantime, enjoy this re-run of how he and I met:


November 26, 1991
Another dull work-day.  The building was built around a courtyard so I could look into the offices (all glass fronts) on the other side.

(click to enlarge)

Things were slow, and in the five weeks I'd been there I'd already reorganized everything I could think of, so I spent an inordinate amount of time staring out the window into the other offices.

Directly across from me was the broadcasting / travel school where my friend Karen worked.  She had told me about the job opening, and I was hired on my birthday. Students would often come up front and talk with her, and one in particular caught my eye.

I'd noticed him before.  He spent his mornings either in the radio booth or up front shootin the breeze with Karen.

On this fine day in November, I called Karen as soon as he went back to the booth.  Our conversation went like this:

"Hey. It's me. Who was that?"

"Who was who?"

"Who were you just talking to?"


"Is that his name?"

"Yeah, why?"

"He's got a nice ass."


And he did, friends.  He totally did! He'd just gotten out of the Marine Corps a few months before.  Need I say more?

She laughed...more from the fact that I'd called her up just to share my opinion than because she would even dare to disagree with me. 

Karen, of course, told Jeff what I had said almost as soon as we hung up.  I should have expected it, but in truth, I was just acting on impulse, and severe boredom. I about died of embarrassment when he walked in a few minutes later.

I don't remember our initial conversation except it was a little awkward, what with my face burning up all the oxygen in the room.  He asked for my phone number and I thought he would call me that night, but nope.  No such luck.  The next day, (Wednesday) he came back and asked me out for Friday.


I forgave him for not calling.

K-Bear saw my illustrations and decided to draw her own version.  So now, for poops and giggles, here is her version:

She tells me that is NOT a bug flying off her daddy's head....

Don't you think we look like green M&M's here or maybe lima beans?

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or just don't understand. 
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Monday, November 28, 2011

Mock Me Monday - Cupcake Caper

Sometimes the painfully obvious eludes me. That's what gives me so much Mock Me Monday fodder.  I sacrifice my pride to entertain, aren't you glad?

Once, I was named Cupcake Caretaker.  Yes, a tray full of colorful, scrumptious looking cupcakes was entrusted to MY care. 

We won't discuss the intelligence of this move.  The owner of said cupcakes apparently didn't know of my terrible frosting affliction.  I valiantly fought off would-be munchers.  But late in the day, I was left alone.

With the cupcakes.

If you suffer from a sugar addiction like mine, then you'll know that cupcakes, cookies, ice cream, and other num nums have a voice and they call out to those who can hear. Kinda like Harry Potter speaking that snake language...

Anyway, there's only so much resistance in this body, and when the afternoon munchies set in, I couldn't help myself, I snuck off to the secret cupcake hideout and snagged me one of the beauties.

I ate it, and it was wonderful.  The cake (white in this case) was moist and light.  The frosting was smooth and (of course) sweet. 


I might have gotten away with it too, but I overlooked one very important small detail.

Sometimes food coloring stains.

And in this case my teeth and lips were GREEN.

So I'm smiling away at the world, completely unaware that I'm announcing my guilt with every toothy grin.

The moral of the story?  Eat the frosting first so the cake will help 'wash' away the evidence.  

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or just don't understand. 
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Friday, November 25, 2011

Friday Funnies


Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean I'm stupid. 

I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! 

Helllooooo? It's been a year! 

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

******I have a phone card I no longer need. Still has 119 minutes left on it. I will gladly mail to anyone who can use it.******

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or just don't understand. 
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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Anyone want a phone card?

In the midst of my pre-Thanksgiving cleaning spree, I uncovered an old AT&T prepaid phone card from several years ago. 

I have a cell phone with free long distance (and a butt load of minutes I'll never use) so I don't need the card anymore. I just checked the balance and there are 119 minutes left. I can mail the card or send the code -- I would just like to see someone get some use out of it.

I'll send it to the first person who emails me at MissVSpeaks (at) gmail (dot) com or comments below.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you've got a lot to be thankful for this year, 
maybe you should click HERE and help pay it forward.

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or just don't understand. 
Sign up below (hope this linky tool works):

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

One Liner Wednesday

Okay all you NaNo-ers...what's the last line you wrote?

The last thing I wrote was my grocery list.  I didn't want to resort to posting that, so I opened up the WIP for the first time in a couple weeks and dabbled for a bit. This is the first sentence:

God, how many tortured souls do I have to deal with before I get a freaking break?

Looking forward to reading your last lines!

A man in Houston's airport Friday was overheard saying:  "So you're the guy with my underwear!"

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or just don't understand. 
Sign up below (hope this linky tool works):

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Catching Up

I'm cleaning out the review closet. If you're looking for balanced, well-thought out reviews, you've come to the wrong place.  I suppose I could do that sort of analysis, but that seems too much like I'm just gonna highlight the things I really liked and / or disliked about each and leave it at that. Presented in the order I've read them:

Demon Princess by Michelle Rowen
Premise: Average girl discovers her father (who has been MIA) is actually a demon and not just that, he's a demon king.  Trouble is brewing in his kingdom (which is the Shadowlands - a kind of buffer between Earth and Hades/Hell. 

Sequel? - There is one, but everything was tied up in book one to my satisfaction, so I have no motivation to read another at the moment.  That could change.

My take: I enjoyed the book while I was reading it, but it didn't resonate with me after I finished.  There's nothing I can say I really disliked about it except maybe I guessed where the whole story was going from the beginning.  There weren't any great surprises for me, but I still enjoyed it.

Demon Chick by Marilyn Kaye
Premise: Political mother sells her first born to the devil in exchange for a fast track to political power.  Daughter must come back to find a way to stop her.

Sequel? I don't know if there is or not. Everything was tied up to my satisfaction, so I don't feel any great need to pick up a sequel at this point.

My take:  I had trouble swallowing the premise -- that a mother would sell her first born for power. If that were true, I wanted more angst from the main character.  I like the depiction of Hell and her demon "keeper", but I guessed a lot of the plot points ahead of time.

If Only It Were True by Marc Levy
This book is the basis for the movie Just Like Heaven with Reese Witherspoon. 
Premise: Young doctor crashes her car and winds up in coma.  Man who rents her apartment is only one who can see her 'ghost'.  They fall in love, and he has to find a way to save her before they take her body off life support.

Sequel? I don't think there is, but I don't think I'd bother with it if there was one.

My take:
I don't usually see a movie before I read the book.  But at the time I saw the movie, I didn't know it was based on a book. I love the premise of the book, but at the end of the day, I prefer the movie, and I NEVER say that. 

The hero accepted the fact he was seeing a spirit way too easily.  I preferred how the movie handled it.  I also thought the characters in the movie were more complex than they were in the book.  And then there was a whole lot of blah blah blah back story about the hero's mother that really had no bearing on the story except to explain how he came to own a beach house. Again, I preferred the twist in the movie that explained their connection.

K-Pax by Gene Brewer
Premise: Patient in mental institution claims to be an alien from the planet K-Pax.  Therapist spends the book trying to debunk the claim.  It irritates me how some books will go out of their way to find rational explanations for extraordinary events.

Sequel? I just learned there is another book, and I may read it at some point.

My take: I really liked this book, but it bugs me in paranormal books/movies how there's always SOME ONE who refuses to believe something extraordinary could be going on.  I want to believe K-Pax is an alien but the ending rationalizes everything and it kinda pisses me off. 

Goddess Bootcamp by Tera Lynn Childs
This is a sequel to Oh. My. Gods. The first book was checked out of the library, so I got this one.
Premise: Newly discovered goddess must attend a bootcamp over the summer to learn to control her powers so she can past a test the Gods are going to give her. 

Sequel: Well, this is the sequel, but I think I would enjoy reading the first book.

My take: I enjoyed the story. The pace moves along at a nice clip, though I thought some of the main character's inner angst was repetitive.  It bugged me how often she stressed over the upcoming test.  I wanted to shout All right all ready. I get it.  There's a big test coming up. And then after all that build up, I kinda thought the ending was lame.  I won't give it away, but her actual test was pretty anti-climactic.

Demon Glass (Hex Hall) by Rachel Hawkins
Premise: Demon girl whisked away by demon father to England for the summer, and big drama ensues.

Sequel: There sure as hell better be a sequel!  NOW, please.

My take: Again, the first book was checked out so I grabbed this one.  This is one of my favorites.  The plot zips along nicely and OMG what a cliffhanger.  I actually shouted/pouted at the end.  I did not like being left hanging like that. 

Reincarnation by Suzanne Weyn
Premise: Guy meets girl, they die.  Repeat throughout history.  Eventually guy gets girl.

Sequel: This book was it's own prequel through sequel

My take: Meh.  The book is imbalanced.  Some sections are long and some are less than a page.  Essentially, each section is the same except for name and wardrobe changes to reflect the current era.  The premise held lots of potential, but I think some sections should have been cut and other sections expanded. I don't feel like I spent enough time in any one time period to really connect with the characters.  I also had mixed feelings about the repetitive themes. She's a singer, he's an archer in the first meeting and so those predispositions followed them throughout the book.  It seemed a little predictable by the end.  Also, the heroine's nemesis is reincarnated time after time, and he was a jealous brute in each life -- I would've liked more depth and diversity.

The Next Door Boys by Jolene Perry
The Premise: Cancer survivor goes off to college and must balance desire for independence with healthy living and various relationships

My take: I enjoyed this a lot.  It was a quick, easy read (just right for the white sands of Mexico).  There are strong religious elements which define the character but were foreign to me and certain elements of courtship seemed dated (pardon the pun).  I found the main character's need for independence and to distance herself from her "sick girl" identity to be completely believable and well-done.  I liked how Noah seemed to be a great guy (what a first date!) and how the relationship with Brian just simmered in the background.  One of my favorite parts is when Leigh realized she had feelings for Brian and starts analyzing everything he does/says to try and figure out if he felt the same.

Identical by Ellen Hopkins
The premise: Identical twins deal with absentee mother and abusive, alcoholic father.  In verse.

Sequel: I don't think so.  But there are lots of other books out there.

My take: My daughter was reading this and I picked it up after she finished. I was leery of the whole book-in-verse thing, to tell you the truth.  But WOW.  It swept me up immediately and didn't let go.  Ellen Hopkins is a genius with making every word count. I loved when switching POV from one sister to the other.  Certain words would be highlighted in each of their poems -- but with completely different meanings.  Sometimes the poem is aligned into a shape or a letter which adds even more depth to story.  And the ending -- I didn't see it coming, that's all I'm saying.

The Leisure Seeker by Michael Zadoorian

The premise: A man suffering from dementia and his terminally ill wife leave their home in Michigan for one last cross-country trek -- to Disneyland!

Sequel: No sequel, but there are several other books to quench your thirst.

My take: My sister brought this to Mexico and when I ran out of reading material, I snagged this.  This is a quick and breezy read at turns laugh-out-loud funny and then grab-a-tissue poignant.  The characters Ella and John are brilliantly developed.  The ending I kind of suspected, but was still very satisfying. 

You Don't Know Me by David Klass
The premise: Teen boy deals with his first love and his mother's abusive live-in boyfriend.

Sequel: I don't think there's a sequel, but there are plenty of other books.

My take: I wasn't sure about this when I started it.  Who wants to read about a poor, abused boy while sunning on the white sandy beaches of Mexico?  Boy, was I wrong.  Fourteen year old John is smart and funny and completely engaging. You will feel for him when he gathers up his courage to ask his "Glory Hallelujah" out on a date...her response is completely unexpected.  There's a lot of unexpected in this book -- but John's charming narrative won me over in the end.

A reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest December 1st. Just post a line or two about something you've never done, never thought you would do or just don't understand. 
Sign up below (hope this linky tool works):

Monday, November 21, 2011

Mock Me Monday - Pants

I've written about my trouble with pants before.  Apparently given my most recent experience, I should just give up wearing them altogether.  While that might make my husband happy, I don't think it's a wise course of action given that winter is right around the corner.

You know it's gonna be a long day when you put your pants on inside out AND DON'T NOTICE. I might've been forgiven if they were elastic-waist pants.  Sometimes they sew those inner seams so well it's hard to tell right from wrong. Side out that is.

But no.  The pants in question were these little white number.  

Note the seam going down the front and sides. There are even pockets.  Also, two snaps and a button.

I pulled these on the other morning and my inner monologue went something like this:

Hey! The button fell off.  I didn't even know it was loose.  Crap.  Oh, wait.  There's a button on this side. Weird. Wasn't it an inside button before?  I swear it was on the right and was inside. Hmmm. I kind of like it being on the outside, but that's really weird.  How could I have not noticed that? that a pocket?  Oh dear God, they're inside out...

Don't worry.  I fixed them before I left my room.

December 1st Blogfest.  Just finish the sentence: Well I Never....

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Saturday, November 12, 2011

While I'm Away

I'm lounging on a beach in Mexico sipping Margaritas for the next week, and I was going to schedule a week's worth of posts to go up while I'm away, but time got away from me so this is what you get to look at all week.  

I HAVE scheduled a Mock Me Monday for November 21st that I had completely forgotten.  My son read it the other night (while he was searching for Codyisms) and he cracked up reading it.  

Maybe it's not that funny, he giggles at everything these days. ANYWAY, my point is I've tried to make up for my complete lack of posting prep by dangling a highly mockable moment just out of your reach.

--Moving On--

This is your week-long reminder about the Well I Never Blogfest  December 1st.

On that day, (I think it's a Thursday), just complete the following:

Well, I Never...

Mine will probably be a string of confessions of things I've never done...unless I stumble across something that gets me all soap-boxy. (You know well I never...understood how someone could pick X over Z.)  

There'll be PRIZES for random participants, too.

Sign up below:

Friday, November 11, 2011

String Bridge Chart Rush

It is a great pleasure and honor to host Jessica Bell's Amazon Chart Rush today. Jessica was one of my first followers and I'm so excited to be able to give back some of the support she's given over the last couple years. I waited to buy my copy of String Bridge today -- to help nudge it up the charts. I can't wait to read it.

Today is THE day to help Jessica Bell's debut, STRING BRIDGE, hit the bestseller list on Amazon, and receive the all-original soundtrackMelody Hill: On the Other Sidewritten and performed by the author herself, for free!

All you have to do is purchase the book today (paperback, or eBook), November 11th, and then email the receipt to:


She will then email you a link to download the album at no extra cost!

To purchase the paperback:

To purchase the eBook:

To listen to samples of the soundtrack, visit iTunes.

If you are not familiar with String Bridge, check out the book trailer:

Rave Reviews for String Bridge:

Jessica Bell’s STRING BRIDGE strummed the fret of my veins, thrummed my blood into a mad rush, played me taut until the final page, yet with echoes still reverberating. A rhythmic debut with metrical tones of heavied dark, fleeting prisms of light, and finally, a burst of joy—just as with any good song, my hopeful heartbeat kept tempo with Bell’s narrative.~ Kathryn Magendie, author of Sweetie and Publishing Editor of Rose & Thorn Journal

“Poet and musician Jessica Bell's debut novel String Bridge is a rich exploration of desire, guilt, and the difficult balancing act of the modern woman. The writing is lyrical throughout, seamlessly integrating setting, character and plot in a musical structure that allows the reader to identify with Melody's growing insecurity as her world begins to unravel … String Bridge is a powerful debut from a promising writer, full of music, metaphor, and just a hint of magic.” ~ Magdalena Ball, author of Repulsion Thrust and Sleep Before Evening

Jessica Bell is a brilliant writer of great skill and depth. She doesn't pull back from the difficult scenes, from conflict, pain, intensity. She puts it all out there, no holds barred, no holding back. She knows how to craft a scene, how to develop character, how to create suspense. This is an absolutely brilliant debut novel. I look forward to reading her next novel, and next and next.” ~ Karen Jones Gowen, author of Farm Girl, Uncut Diamonds and House of Diamonds

Please TWEET and/or FACEBOOK this post using #StringBridge!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Things I'd Like to See Part 6 (?)

I'm baaaaaack with another list of fabulous products/services/gadgets/wizbangs to make my life (and I hope yours) easier.  Without further ado, let's get started.

1.  Now that I'm a Kindle owner, I really wish there were one universal format for ereaders.  So when I get a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble or Amazon or that cute little indy shop down the road, I'd like to know that I could stock up on reading material.  Imagine if music or movies all had proprietary formatting.  Are you likely to want to have a different CD player for each of the major studios?

2. Also, now that I own a Kindle I have a newfound conflict when it's time to purchase books.  Paper or digital?  I would love it if the publishers allowed you to download the electronic version of the book for free or 99 cents when buying the paper copy.

3. I wish there was a little clock in the corner of the TV that would count down commercials so you knew whether or not you had time to go to the bathroom/make a sandwich before your show came back on.  I KNOW a lot of you have DVR and so this problem fixes itself, but some of us are still living in the dark ages and would like the counter.

4. Frequently these days I wander through the store looking for *something* and I can't find it. I know they have it, just don't know in which of their 47 aisles it can be located.  On these occasions, I'd love to whip out my phone and text "straws" or "face paint" to the store and have someone text me back with the location.  I know a lot of you have smart phones and there's probably an app for that...but I still think having texting capabilities is pretty advanced.

5. QR codes are awesome.  If you don't know what I'm talking about they are those black and white squares with blotches and squiggles inside.  If you take a picture with your Smart Phone, you are automatically redirected to a website.   (Google image) I have a couple new applications

6. During a recent car buying trip, our salesman had to keep digging out a piece of paper out of his pocket to tell us what the prices of the cars were.  The dealership REALLY ought to invest in QR codes for each car.  Most put their inventory online anyway, right?  By putting a QR sticker on each car, salesmen could pull up the information on their phones.  It would also be helpful if people shopped on Sundays to avoid the salesmen, but still wanted more information on the car.

7. When I first started going to the gym a year or so ago, there was a lot of equipment there that I found intimidating as hell.  I wish the gym would have posted a video on their website on how to use each piece of equipment.  Once I learned about QR codes, though I thought it would be cool if they would put a QR sticker on each machine so if you're not sure, you could whip out your phone and be patched through to a video demo.

8. I'd like to see you sign up for the Well I Never Blogfest.  On December 1st just complete the prompt: Well, I never....make it a confessional, make it over the top crazy, make it a soapbox about something you just don't understand.  You making it will make my day!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

New & Improved - Cody Quotes

On the way back from dropping daughterling off, Cody and I were singing and being silly in the car.  Then he asked me if I was an "evil singing wizard pirate mother"?
Yes.  Yes I am.

But that's not even the best part.  I gave him my cell phone and asked him to text me my new title so I could remember it.  I talked him through the process (no way was I gonna text and drive, you see).  When we got home and I looked at my messages, do you know what he sent me?


We had to send a note to school recently because Cody has been mispronouncing our last name.  It's Rock-oh for those of you who are curious.  Everyone else calls us Roe - coe or Roach-oh.  Normally this is no big deal, I'll answer to anything, but I figure a boy ought to know how to say his own name.

So after this big production, he was playing on the computer when one of us happened to say "Rocho" and he piped up:
"By the way, that is correct."


Me: Cody, what did you learn from the car book?
C: Nothing....but the secrets of life.
Me: Wow.  The secrets of life are in the Honda manual.
C: Yes, actually.


While watching a show on TV recently, Cody became very agitated.  I asked him what the problem was and he said:
"Not happy about this the graphics are bad."  Turns out the show was not using capital letters for any of the words on the screen.


Who says kids aren't impressionable?  After seeing an Aleve commercial, Cody said:
"I have arthritis pain" When I asked him where it hurt he replied "Everywhere"
Might have to screen his commercials from now on.

TEXT Exchange
9:53 Daughterling to me:
If I give you two dollars will you bring us lunch today?

TWO DOLLARS? What are you eating, skittles?

9:55 Daughterling:
...Three dollars?

What is this, an auction?

9:56 Daughterling:
My belly desires chicken nuggets and a dr. pepper

I dunno.  Feeling cheap after that doctor bill.

9:58 Daughterling:

(I didn't see this one, so at 10:11 the phone rings)

D: Mooooooooommmmmmy?
M: What, are you hoping the sound of your voice will melt my cold, icy heart?
D: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
M: (laughs)
D: I have $3.50.
M: I like auctions too, but I'm more interested in services than cash.  Are those dishes going to be there when I get home?
D: I don't know...................(but clearly getting the hint)
M: Yeah, I'd definitely like to see those dishes done.  And maybe you should tell your sister to start the laundry...


Not sure where this gem came from:
"What would happen if i teleported into your eye?"


This one doesn't take any additional explanations:
"Mom! She touched me with her pee germs!"


While tucking Cody into bed...he really likes it when I go cross-eyed.  He tries to mimic me, but can't quite do he sticks his tongue out and touches the tip of his nose.


I laugh and show him that I cannot reach my nose.  So he leans forward and says:

"Do it to my nose"

So I lick his nose, he wipes it off and goes to bed.

Cody visited me in the office awhile back.  He confirmed the name of the company I work for then said, "Rename it (Boss' Name) Industries and put up a sign tomorrow so you know it's your workplace"


Ad on TV: Qwest is now Century Link....

C: I don't want Century Link. 
M: Me either.
C: I want Qwest. They need to bring Qwest back.
M: Yeah!
C: We've got to fight for Qwest!  We've got to fight for our good companies!


Billboard I saw this summer:

Your wife is hot.
Time to get the Air Conditioning fixed.


And finally, an original Cody joke.

What sound does a tree make?
Give up?

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It's quick.  It's easy. It's fun.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

He Lied to Me!

One of the kids watched 101 Ways to Leave a Game Show awhile back.  

Not a fan, personally.  

My biggest beef with game shows these days is how they stall the action to increase the suspense and tension and it pisses me off.  Yeah, sorry about the language, but it does.  Like Deal or No Deal for instance. The way they stall before opening cases drives me crazy.  

Bob Barker didn't do that. 
Pat Sajak didn't do that.  
Alex Trebek didn't toy with the contestants.  

It's a new trend I tell you and it sucks. Just play the damn games already.

But I'm getting off topic.

So one of the questions on this show was:  

Which two of the following were once an Olympic Sport?

-tug of war
-arm wrestling

I thought I had this wrapped up.  You see, I had a neighbor once who told me he had earned an Olympic medal in arm wrestling back in the 80's.  Imagine my shock when the game show announcer guy said the WRONG answer was arm wrestling.

I sat here sputtering, "But...but...but...that means he LIED to me!"

I even Googled it to make sure. 

Boy, do I feel stupid finding out some loser lied to me and I BOUGHT it for twenty years.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Mock Me Monday - Chocolate Boy

We're dong something a little different today.  We found a treasure trove of my daughter's early writings this weekend.  We laughed so hard, we cried...or I did.  So I'm going to share one of my favorites with you.  The file was entitled "Chocolate Boy" but I have no idea where that came from, as you shall see. 

I should note that she was only 9 when she wrote this.

“Kelly Carson lived with her incredibly good looking little brother, Jake, who happened to be 8 years hold.”
“Jake, I told you not to mess this up. It’s old, O-L-D. Now the narrator isn’t gonna like us anymore!”
“Well how can we hide our mistake?”
“I know, if the narrator’s out getting a doughnut, we can
crumple up our mistake and hide it, in- in- in his coffee cup!” Kelly said.
“Yeah, that’s a great idea!” Jake agreed.
They’re a bunch of idiots... Jake, Kelly, I heard every thing you said. So now I’m gonna tell the story the right way.
“Fine!” Kelly replied.
“I hate you.” Jake muttered.
Kelly Carson was 14 years old and Jake was 8 years old. They lived on a farm with no one besides the animals. Kelly had to drag him by his hands to take him to her farm. Jake had one- maybe two, no fifty-seven, hold on, let me look at my papers, oh three. Sorry. Jake had three problems, his hyper activeness, his short-term memory loss, and his bad hearing.
“Jake, did you feed the horses yesterday? They’re lookin’ kinda thin.” Kelly said.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jake asked.
“I said did you feed the horses yesterday?” Kelly said.
“I don’t know!” Jake said.
“You’re a stupid super-hyper-bad hearing-short term memory- little kid!” Kelly said.
“Then you’re a piece of- of- of-fish rap!” Jake cried.
“Jake, calling me fish rap, is going to make you a bunny. You better be careful, I’ve been practicing my magic.”
“Shut up, Kel- Ahhh!” Jake screamed.
“POOF, you’re a bunny!” Kelly said.
“Mom and Dad are gonna kill you once they see me!” Jake said.
“Didn’t think of that, bye!” Kelly said.
“Kelly, come back here! You better come back here!” Jake said.
“Sorry, cannot understand bunny. Good-bye little bunny, I’m going to California to live at least until you die. Bye!” Kelly said. “Oh, and just in case Mom can still talk to bunnies, I’ll tape you’re mouth shut with DUCK TAPE! Come here ducks!”
“Quack! Quack! Quack!”
“Ducks, tape him.” Kelly said.
“No!” Jake cried.
I may have told this story, but when I sent it to the editor, it came back with lines, red and green. So maybe I’ll keep telling the story, but this time, maybe I won’t let those two little hillbillies write the story. I’ll have to hire a writer.

If you haven't already, sign up for the 
It's quick.  It's easy. It's fun.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Keyboards of the World

Among my daughter's pictures from her trip to France, was one of a typical computer keyboard -- a few letters were in different spots -- at least compared to what we're used to with the Qwerty versions.

So, for your visual enjoyment, here are keyboards from around the world.  (According to Google Images)












Friday, November 4, 2011


This post right here...these words you are reading now...

THIS is my 500th post. 

Wow.  Just wow.  Who knew when I started that I'd make it this far?

It calls for a celebration, don't ya think? 

In fact, I think it calls for a blogfest -- a quick n easy blogfest.  

Here's the deal.  

On December 1st 

(after NaNo, conveniently enough)  

post your answer to this prompt:

Well, I never...

(you really need to get a good Southern drawl going when you say it)

Make it a list of things you've never done.
Make it a tirade on something you just don't understand
Make it as short or long as you like. long as you answer the question I'm good.

Oh Oh Oh!

And there'll be PRIZES for random participants.

Cuz I'm nice like that.

Sign up below (hope this linky tool works):

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Managing Disappointment

You know that feeling you get when you read a book by a beloved author only to find the new one didn't quite measure up? 

Don't get me was good and you're glad you read it, but it just didn't quite measure up to your lofty expectations? 

That feeling has now landed in my cupboard. Look at this. Is it any wonder I'm disappointed every time I crack one open? 

Clearly I'm missing another inch or two of chocolatey goodness.  I think this borders on false advertising.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

One Liner Wednesday

Regrettably, I haven't been doing much reading or writing this past week.  But I purposefully sat down to write for a bit JUST so I'd have something to offer up today.  My one line is:

I get enough of them at work, thank you very much.

What about you? What's the last thing you wrote/read/spoke/thought/dreamt/hallucinated?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Ultimate Recycling

I've been beefing up my summer wardrobe in preparation for my first trip to Mexico.  The only thing I need now is a cover-up for my swimsuit.  But cheapskate that I am, I didn't want to spend anything for it.

So.....I got creative.

I went to the thrift store and got the largest white T-shirt I could find (I wanted my cover up to be plenty roomy)

I found this one:

See? Just a plain white T.  
(crap, now I'm gonna get a zillion searches for the band)

So BOOOOOOOOOOOOOORING.  The shirt, not the band.

I did some Googling and some YouTube surfing and came up with a plan to spruce it up just a bit.  

First, I cut the bottom into strips like this:

That was okay, but I can't cut a straight line to save my life and it was WAY obvious.  Fortunately, when you PULL on T-Shirt material, it kinda rolls up so all of your crooked cuts are camouflaged.  Like this:

That was better, but still not what I wanted.  

I took two "strings" and tied a knot about a third of the way down.  After I did that all the way around, I went back and tied the right string from one knot to the left string of the next.  

To finish up, I cut out the neck and fringed the sleeves.

This is just what I wanted, casual, cheap (only cost me ONE DOLLAR!) and roomy!  

I saw a version where you string beads on the fringe, and while that was kinda cool -- I didn't trust myself to find the right combination to keep it from looking juvenile.