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Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Little Support

They say 70-80% of women wear the wrong bra size.  

This little nugget is usually shared by a "fitting specialist" employed by some hoity toity department store.  She'll whisper it in your ear as she's taking your measurements so she can tell you which of their overpriced bras you should really be wearing.  It's meant to reassure us, to make us feel like we're not alone.

But I'm here to tell you the reason 70 to 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size is that the manufacturers don't make bras that will even begin to fit most of us.  I've measured myself, I know what size I should be wearing, and they don't sell it at most stores -- and if they do, it's not at a price I'm willing to pay.

This is a problem, and dare I say it?  A crisis.  We deserve pretty, well-fitting bras, too, dagnabit.  

I appreciate the manufacturer's vote of confidence, but contrary to popular belief, not all of our cups runneth over just because our band size is over 36. When bra shopping, I generally have three options:

  1. Buy the smaller cup size and sacrifice a few inches on the band.  Sometimes I can make this up with an extender, but not always.
  2. Buy the larger cup size in order to score a good fit around, but look for a 'molded' cup as it's more likely to hide my secret -- that there's not enough of me to fill up that cavernous space.
  3. Buy the lace or satin cup in a comfortable band size and resign myself to wearing bulky sweaters and jackets so no one can see how the excess material has bunched up and wrinkled.

This is why I proposed the Pump Up Bra ages ago.  Why should I expand to fill the bra? Shouldn't it conform to my contours (or lack thereof)??  Where, oh where, is a fashion engineer when you need one?

Ladies, perhaps we should form our own movement. Forget Wall Street, let's Occupy Victoria's Secret.

I'm sure we'll get lots of support from the men in our lives....

16 comments:

Kim said...

My secrets are bigger than Victoria's - I don't shop there.

But you're right, whoever is designing bras must be using mathematical formulas that figure a proportional cup size based on band size...or if they're using real women, then they've all had boob jobs.

I use my extra space to hide my lighter when I take a smoke break outside.

Jessica Bell said...

Amen! I've got a small band size. I'm pretty skinny around there, but my breasts are pretty average. The things is, every time I buy a bra, where the cup fits perfectly, I have to clip the band on the tightest setting for it to fit properly, but then that sorta stretches it too much and all my bras' elastic wears out too fast! I hate it!

Nicole MacDonald said...

I was running in a b cup - wondered why I couldn't breathe... turns out I'm a DD *hee* But it kinda sucks cause most nice & reasonable prices seem to end at C or D!

Theresa Milstein said...

I got fitted only once in my life, which was for my wedding bra. I needed on of those corset ones. I found out I was a cup size bigger than I thought.

Inflatable bras sound cool. But I could use an air pump to fill up the boobs to pre-nursing size...

Bish Denham said...

I hate bras and haven't found a comfortable one yet. They either poke me in uncomfortable places, are made of scratchy material, squish what little I have or have straps that dig into my shoulders.

DL Hammons said...

A PUMP UP bra!!!! Classic! While your at it maybe you can propse a bra that has a quick-release button, like a parachute...press one spot and it pops off. I believe that might be a guy pleaser. :)

Creepy Query Girl said...

I could totally use a pump up bra. I've been wanting to get those little silicone blobs you put in your bra to help fill it out but haven't gotten around to it ever. It doesn't help that my boobs tend to plump up and then deflate with my cycles. My bras never know what the hell is going on.

Talli Roland said...

I'm in, I'm in! I do hate bras. For me, it's the shoulder straps I struggle with.

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

DL!!! ohmygoodness!!! HAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

and AMEN TALLI! ouch those things cut into the shoulders!

Karen Walker said...

Yea, my straps never stay on my shoulders and I bulge on the sides.
Karen

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I wasn't sure what I was going to say and then I saw DL's comment. Now I can't stop laughing!

Julie Dao said...

Ditto to Alex's comment - I'm cracking up at what Don said. The parachute bra button has to be pushed on purpose though... imagine how embarrassing it would be if you were sitting in class or in the office, and accidentally nudged the button, and POP!

Copyboy said...

I felt a bit dirty for liking this post. Is that wrong?

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

You are hilarious! Thank you for this. I've been wearing nursing bras for many years now (ahem) and I think a pump up bra would be perfect for nursing mothers. I mean, seriously! Think about it! Boobs fill up with milk, deflate, fill up, deflate. I guess I'd be pretty busy pumping, but at least my bras would fit!

Thanks for the laugh. :)

Amy

LTM said...

yeah, bras do pretty much suck. You'll never believe, I found the most comfortable, best fitting bra once time at Walmart. Walmart! I've never seen it there again. Somebody musta told... :D <3

Jolene Perry said...

You. Are. Hysterical.

Funny thing.
I used to be a bra-fitter :D

And yeah. I'm one of those crazy people who pay WAY too much for a bra . . .

BUT a good fitter can get you in one that's cheaper than what I wear - even if they swear they can't . . .