Recently, the family and I spent an entire day in the Great Outdoors. This is no small feat as none of us are great nature lovers.
I love looking at nature. I've even been known to enjoy a hike or picnic out amongst Mother Nature's finest. I just don't like it when nature gets on me. Especially the kind with legs. At some point in the distant past (I'm thinking at birth), Mother Nature designated me as an All You Can Eat Buffet so critters of all sizes and shapes come from far and near to nibble at my flesh and suck my blood.
I'm just tasty, I guess. But it usually means if I go outside something is gonna bite me.
Suffice it to say that willingly spending the whole day without protective layers of drywall is a really big deal in this house.
So, after being locked in the car for 90+ minutes, we were overdue for a pit stop. We found a restroom in a park near a lake and I bravely took the lead as decoy for any bugs that might be ready to attack. Sacrificing myself is the least I can do for the health and happiness of my children.
The door to the women's restroom was propped open with a garbage can. That should have been the first red flag. A door that doesn't close is an open invitation to creepy crawlies. A giant walking-stick like thing stood guard at the base of the receptacle. (I confess I didn't look too close -- it might have attacked).
This Bouncer Bug was enough to scare Daughterlings off. I would have liked to have fled back to the car, too but (a) I wanted to set a good example and (b) I really, really, REALLY had to go.
There were two stalls inside -- with REAL toilets! I would've done a happy dance but as I just said, I really had to go. Dancing and jiggling were not advisable under the circumstances.
The first stall had possibly the biggest daddy long leg spider I've ever seen chilling out on the seat. I decided to respect his privacy and moved on to stall #2.
The second stall seemed okay. The seat was clear and the bowl reasonably clean.
I assumed the position and took care of business.
Then I reached for the toilet paper. It was one of these kind of dispensers:
Still a little on edge, I inspected the paper as I pulled it, careful not to let it touch the floor -- who knows what's been on that floor! I had only pulled a a few squares when I noticed a shadow on the back side of the paper. My first thought was that some jokester had stuffed a wad of paper or something.
I was so wrong.
When the shadowy thing fell to the floor I screamed. A high-pitched girly scream. I think I was perfectly within my rights. Seems to me when a UFO (unidentified falling object) drops off your toilet paper, you're entitled to let the world know.
Curiosity got the better of me so I look down to see just what I was dealing with.
It was a FROG.
Yes, you read that right. A frog fell out of my toilet paper.
I screamed. Kinda a lot.
I gathered my wits about me and took out my cell phone to take a picture -- I needed evidence, right? -- only the dang thing JUMPED at me so I screamed again.
Meanwhile outside the restroom, I could hear Daughterling #1 telling my husband (in the I told you the bathroom wasn't safe kind of voice), "You should go rescue your wife." But by the time he came sauntering in to check on me, the frog had disappeared and I didn't need his assistance.
At least it didn't bite me, right?
Got any in-the-wilderness restroom stories to share?
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