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Friday, May 13, 2011

Stages of Weight Loss

I bet you didn't realize that the Stages of Grief are very similar to the Stages of Weight Loss.  Just take a look:

As in:
--These jeans aren't tight, they just shrank in the dryer.
--Is this jacket fitting funny?  Bah, no matter. It's almost summer, I won't need it until Fall.
--Are these pants tighter than usual?  Nah, I just haven't worn them in awhile, I forgot that they fit like this.  This is totally normal.

Argh! I don't have anything decent to wear. 
Grrr!  These pants make me look fat and I can't even zip up that dress. 
GAH!!!! There's nothing in this closet and I can't afford to  go shopping. 

Okay, so I'll eat this double chocolate brownie explosion sundae now and I'll get up extra early tomorrow to walk it off. Plus, I'll totally have salad for lunch the rest of the week.  Oh, and no more soda.  Nothing but water.  I swear.

Oh, why did I eat that sundae? It didn't even taste that good.  Now I feel like I'm going to hurl and the only thing that fits are these ratty old sweat pants. OMG, look at these flabby arms and my stomach -- it wasn't this big when I was pregnant! Waaaahhhhhhhhh.

Okay, I've gotta do something.  I'll just watch what I eat and try to be a little more active. I can plan my meals and snacks ahead -- it's really not that hard -- I'll go for a walk along the river over my lunch hour.  It'll be relaxing and good for me. Small changes really can make a big difference. I can do this.

These next few aren't part of the Grief Cycle, but I felt they needed to be added:

I'll get up early and go for a bike ride, then I'll take a walk at lunch and after supper I'll hit the gym.  The extra activity should totally burn an extra pound or two. Who cares if I don't have a life outside of exercise? I'll get one once I'm back in that size 5.

Oh.My.God. I can't move. Blinking hurts. Owowowow. How am I going to work today/take care of the kids/make it through the day? I can't exercise until I can walk normally again (which, as we all know puts us right back to Stage One).


GigglesandGuns said...

LOL You hit it right on. Grief is the right term too.

Jen Daiker said...

This was brilliant. I'm going to pass this around to everyone I know. Definitely good for a laugh. I'd expect nothing less from the fabulous Vicki!

Lindsay said...

Lol. That was brilliant. :)

Justine Dell said...

Bwahahaha! Perfect way to start out the weekend.

This is why I buy new clothes every summer so I don't have to deal with my fat issues. Kidding. Mostly.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Hilarious! Baby steps - baby steps!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

You are so right. I never looked at it like this. I keep getting stuck in the depression stage.

LTM said...

LOL!!! Vicki! This post is pure poetry. Right down to the last OW!

(which is how I'm feeling right now post-yard sale... :p )