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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Signs of Aging

I want you to know that I've had this post in my drafts for a couple weeks now.  I was going to post it last week but then the Honorable Peter McKay did his aging post here and so I put mine off for a bit.  But a week is an eternity in internet time, so I've dusted it off and put it out there, just for you.

As I've said countless times, especially on my big Four Oh birthday post, I'm not all that concerned about aging.  It's pretty much inevitable and I think it's delusional of me to fight it kicking and screaming when it's gonna happen whether I want it to or not.  It's kinda like childbirth in that way.  One way or another, that baby IS coming out and there's not a whole heckuva lot you can do about it. 

But turning 40 has brought some new challenges and I think it's only fair to warn you youngsters what lies ahead.  Therefore, I present:

Vicki Rocho's Guide to Aging

A lot of people think gray hair and wrinkles is what makes you old.  I disagree.  My delightful husband found my first gray hair when I was just a pup of 28.  I certainly wasn't old then.  I've also been finding wrinkles since sometime after my 9 year old was born.  These aren't your typical wrinkles though...they're the magical kind that disappear when you eat right and spend a lot of time on the treadmill.  Truthfully, I like the other wrinkles around the eyes.  Proof that I smile a lot.  My badge of honor.

The first real sign that I was getting older was willingly giving up a night on the town in favor of sleep.  It's true!  One year, hubs and I took a nap on New Year's Eve so we would be fresh and ready to party the night away.  When the alarm went off around 10, we both rolled over and went back to sleep.

Next came the degradation of my eyesight.  For years I've had trouble seeing things at a distance (is that far sightedness or near sightedness?), but lately even things close up get fuzzy.  Sometimes I see a 'ghost' or a 'shadow' just below of the words I'm trying to read on the computer.  I used to be able to pass my vision test at the DMV without my glasses...but I had to cheat and squint big time the last time I renewed.  There was also a good deal of finger-crossing and guessing going on.  At least I won't be able to see the damage time is wreaking on my body...

After 35, the whole metabolism thing goes to hell.  I gained weight EASY, and lost it HARD.  It's completely unfair that I can gain 3 pounds from one little slip up, but I have to work for a MONTH to get those same three pounds off again.  This is the worst part of aging, I think.

There's the hearing issues.  I yell at the kids to turn the music down while the TV volume creeps up. I actually had my hearing checked last year.  Oddly, the experience made me feel YOUNG, because every other patient in the lobby had about 3 decades on me.

And then there's the hair.  Mine's not falling out, no.  I've still got a head full of unruly hair.  The damn grays have a mind of their own.  I wear it pretty short, so I've got the better of them.  But now, as if to protest, they've started sprouting in weird places.  Like my chin.  I'm seriously looking at electrolysis.  I've got so much peach fuzz cropping up there teenage boys are casting envious looks my way.  That's bad, but not the worst.  

The worst is the freakishly long nose hair I just plucked out of my nostril.  My nose had been tickling so I looked...yes, I did the whole pig-snout impersonation and looked up there where I found this mutant hair waving in the breeze.  I grabbed my tweezers and yanked that sucker out. I didn't actually measure it, but it had to be at least an inch and a half long.


Turns out my kids have been right all along.

I am old.  And that's perfectly okay with me.


20 comments:

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

You forgot to mention that after you hit forty you opt for standing rather than sitting on the floor....unsure of how hard it will be to get up this time. LOL! I'm a few years ahead of you, friend...and it doesn't get better...my mile is getting slower every day!

Dan said...

Ha! Great post. 2010 was the year my body said, "Yeah, I'm done." Back problems, stiff joints, bad eyesight, you name it. I'll be posting my own "getting old" post next month when I hit 4-0 myself.

Jolene Perry said...

Sigh. Yep. I hear ya. No nose hairs yet but I'm sure they're coming. I suppose all we can ask for is to see stuff like before the rest of the world does...

Anita Saxena said...

Man, and I thought turning 30 was bad. 40 seems like loads of fun.

DL Hammons said...

I hear you girl! I'm 54 and I use two things as barometers to tell me when the next phase of old age is setting in...decrepitness. One is doing 50 pushups every morning, and the other is continuing to take stairs two at a time. When either of those start to fail me...that will be a sad day. Thankfully, I'm probably a couple of decades away from that point. :)

Talli Roland said...

I hear you on the sleep thing. I used to go out ALL NIGHT! The last time I was out all night was in Berlin a few years ago, and I felt so ill and hungover afterwards that now I always choose sleep. I'm so rock 'n' roll.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I refuse to be labeled old! Grey hairs be damned. And yes, I have a few. My wife thinks it's 'cute.'

Janet Johnson said...

Oh, my eyes are watering for that plucked nose hair. Ouch! And yes, I'm feeling the age, too. *sigh*. Now I'm on the lookout for those shadows under the words . . .

Carolyn Abiad said...

Lol...You're not old yet. Old is when your eyesight is so bad that you can't SEE the nose hair! LOL :) Unfortunately, this is me in denial. :D

Elana Johnson said...

I feel like this and I'm still several years from 40. Dang it all. But great post!

N. R. Williams said...

I've got a few years on you and it just keeps getting worse. Ugh!
Nancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author

Karen Walker said...

This just cracked me up,but like Nancy, I've got 22 years on you and she's right. It just keeps happening so we might as well embrace it. It's inevitable.
Karen

Clarissa Draper said...

I'm only 34 but I'm starting to find out I'm getting older. Owning a house now matters to me. I'm collecting jewelery. I'm more sentimental. I love sleep. I hope 40 isn't old because I'll be there shortly.
CD

Nicole MacDonald said...

I love laugh lines too :) Quite happy to have them as for silver hair.... well I've been dying mine since 15 due to necessity. I got my first silver hair whe I was 6 *sigh* thanks mum & dad!

The Arrival, on Amazon NOW!
www.damselinadirtydress.com

Saumya said...

Haha, I feel like I look really old even though I'm 24. People don't value aging well. Everything is a sign that we've lived! We learned in med school about how the lens of the eye becomes less elastic as we age and that contributes to poor eyesight. It happens more often in people who--surprise---read. That's a good thing to me! Even my eyes know that I've spent a lifetime soaking in words ;)

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Well then, you make aging seem so appealing. Hehe. It's inevitable, of course, but I'll likely fight it. Heck, I am fighting it. I think I spent so much of my youth wishing I were older, and now I spend so much of my oldness wishing I could be younger. It's a terrible thing, no? I hope I'll adjust eventually.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I'm over the age of 40, but I can't relate to all of these thing, though some I definitely can.

My husband's 10 months younger than me, and has way more gray hair than me. :D

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

You hit most of the worst stuff. 35 was when the whole weight battle started for me too. I just don't understand why I can't eat six pancakes for breakfast anymore.

puffalump1 said...

You have good company! I'm starting to lose limbs just walking down the street.

aspiring_x said...

:) i'm 28, and i found my first white hairs this year too!!! man! i freaked!! it's not the aging that bothers me- but the reminder of how slippery time is! :)
my hubby has crow's feet when he smiles, and it's one of my favorite things about his looks! and HOORAY! they'll only get deeper as he ages! how come men tend to look more handsome as they age and we have to deal with all this other stuff?!?! :)