I want you to know that I've had this post in my drafts for a couple weeks now. I was going to post it last week but then the Honorable Peter McKay did his aging post here and so I put mine off for a bit. But a week is an eternity in internet time, so I've dusted it off and put it out there, just for you.
As I've said countless times, especially on my big Four Oh birthday post, I'm not all that concerned about aging. It's pretty much inevitable and I think it's delusional of me to fight it kicking and screaming when it's gonna happen whether I want it to or not. It's kinda like childbirth in that way. One way or another, that baby IS coming out and there's not a whole heckuva lot you can do about it.
But turning 40 has brought some new challenges and I think it's only fair to warn you youngsters what lies ahead. Therefore, I present:
Vicki Rocho's Guide to Aging
A lot of people think gray hair and wrinkles is what makes you old. I disagree. My delightful husband found my first gray hair when I was just a pup of 28. I certainly wasn't old then. I've also been finding wrinkles since sometime after my 9 year old was born. These aren't your typical wrinkles though...they're the magical kind that disappear when you eat right and spend a lot of time on the treadmill. Truthfully, I like the other wrinkles around the eyes. Proof that I smile a lot. My badge of honor.
The first real sign that I was getting older was willingly giving up a night on the town in favor of sleep. It's true! One year, hubs and I took a nap on New Year's Eve so we would be fresh and ready to party the night away. When the alarm went off around 10, we both rolled over and went back to sleep.
Next came the degradation of my eyesight. For years I've had trouble seeing things at a distance (is that far sightedness or near sightedness?), but lately even things close up get fuzzy. Sometimes I see a 'ghost' or a 'shadow' just below of the words I'm trying to read on the computer. I used to be able to pass my vision test at the DMV without my glasses...but I had to cheat and squint big time the last time I renewed. There was also a good deal of finger-crossing and guessing going on. At least I won't be able to see the damage time is wreaking on my body...
After 35, the whole metabolism thing goes to hell. I gained weight EASY, and lost it HARD. It's completely unfair that I can gain 3 pounds from one little slip up, but I have to work for a MONTH to get those same three pounds off again. This is the worst part of aging, I think.
There's the hearing issues. I yell at the kids to turn the music down while the TV volume creeps up. I actually had my hearing checked last year. Oddly, the experience made me feel YOUNG, because every other patient in the lobby had about 3 decades on me.
And then there's the hair. Mine's not falling out, no. I've still got a head full of unruly hair. The damn grays have a mind of their own. I wear it pretty short, so I've got the better of them. But now, as if to protest, they've started sprouting in weird places. Like my chin. I'm seriously looking at electrolysis. I've got so much peach fuzz cropping up there teenage boys are casting envious looks my way. That's bad, but not the worst.
The worst is the freakishly long nose hair I just plucked out of my nostril. My nose had been tickling so I looked...yes, I did the whole pig-snout impersonation and looked up there where I found this mutant hair waving in the breeze. I grabbed my tweezers and yanked that sucker out. I didn't actually measure it, but it had to be at least an inch and a half long.
Turns out my kids have been right all along.
I am old. And that's perfectly okay with me.