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Monday, December 6, 2010

Mock Me Monday - That Man Smell

Ooooohhh, the flash backs.  

Make them go away! 

Teenage years are grueling for all of us.  I had a few extra pain points than most.  First, I'd moved from Las Vegas to a small (250 body small) town.  This meant everyone and their dog knew who I was, but I didn't know anyone.  I still think this has a lot to do with my continuing privacy issues, but that's another story for another day.

We also had NO money when I was growing up.  I can appreciate the life lessons I learned during this time, but back then it TOTALLY SUCKED.

At some point in sixth grade I got a hair up my butt and chopped all my hair off.  From the middle of my back to a short, pixie style cut.  Only on me there wasn't a whole lot of style to it.  In a way, I was just a trendsetter.  That whole messy-cool look that's so hot today?  Yeah, well I started it 25 years ago...only the folks in my small town were too narrow minded to appreciate my cutting edge brilliance.

Or something like that.

Like I said, we had no money.  So Mom got pretty crafty getting those pennies to stretch.  I'm still not sure where it came from, if it was one of my brothers' hand-me-downs or if it was a sample she picked up for free, but when it came time for me to start wearing deodorant, Mom gave me one of those super-fragrant Brut sticks.

Yes.  Yes, she did. 

And yes, I smelled like a guy. 

But it gets worse. 

Doesn't it ALWAYS get worse for me?

Brut had the debatable honor of being the product that taught me the difference between deodorant and anti-perspirant.  Brut was the former, not the latter. 

What that means is I still sweat (a lot) just smelled like Brut instead of rank teenage body.  Gotta give them credit for the scent-branding.  If you've ever smelled the stuff, it's memorable and distinctive.  It doesn't smell like anything else and nothing else smells quite like it.

For Christmas that year I got one of those track suits.  You know, the  ones with the three white stripes down the side?  Mannnnn, that thing was comfortable!  So I wore it to a basketball game at the high school one night. 

There I am, hanging with my friends on the bleachers.  Short, rumpled hair.  Stylin' track suit complete with embarrassing pit stains (those gyms get HOT!), but I'm not stinking because Brut can overpower even the mightiest stench.

And the principal...whose name I forget, but we had a nickname for him anyway...said to me

(wait...this needs it's own line)

"Young man, would you go close that door?"

Uh, yeah.  

That was young man.  Not Miss, not young lady. Young MAN.  I know I wasn't the most developed girl in the class, and I had short hair and wasn't allowed to wear make up yet, but seriously, did I look THAT much like a boy?  Talk about an ego deflater.  

I did what any self respecting girl would do.

I got up and closed the door.

...and started wearing bigger earrings...hahaha.

Care to share any painful middle school horror stories of your own?


Mary Vaughn said...

Oh Vicki, I could fill a book with these horror stories (I have--it's called My Journal). Your story made me laugh and awakened things I'd rather forget. :(

Jen Daiker said...

Vicki, I'm sitting here cringing. That's the worst thing to be called when you're in high school, already upset that Jessica has boobs and you're still waiting for yours to grow. Your mom says it'll happen, you're just a "late bloomer" but who wants to be told that?!

I would have gotten up and closed the door as well. Big earrings... good call!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, those years were tough. I remember running out of gas while driving into the school parking lot. Right in the entrance. Blocked one lane of traffic. Everyone saw my car. I had tests that day and had to go to classes. Didn't get around to getting gas until lunch time.

aspiring_x said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aspiring_x said...

ohno! that's pretty bad! i've never been called "young man", but i did have an old lady ask me when i was due... i had my son three months earlier...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Your mom was cruel...
I was a shy band-geek, so my teen years weren't much better.

Angela Felsted said...

I don't really want to share my painful middle school memories, they're a lot like yours though. I'd laugh at your story if it didn't hit so close to home.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I thought my middle school years were bad, but you definitely topped it.

So that's why Bruit smells so strong. Because it's only a deodorant.

Talli Roland said...

Oh no... Brut! The memories! I got sprayed with Brut once and I reeked for weeks! Oh, so many memories.

Carolyn V. said...

Nooo? That would be awful!

I have way (waaaay) too many embarrassing things to share that I've been trying for years to forget. =)

LTM said...

omg, Vicki! BAH!!! Young man... That is so freakin hilarious.

but you know, as a kid I kinda liked those "men" scents... I guess that explains a lot~ ;p

Raquel Byrnes said...

Vicki, I cringe and laugh, and feel the pain with you when you share this stuff. You're one of my favorite bloggers. =)
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Jolene Perry said...

Yeah. I skipped middle school and went right into the high school years that were fun.

Okay, not really. But it's all a big blank, I've done a SUPERB job at repressing those memories.

Kimberly Franklin said...

LOL. Oh middle school. I can't really remember any off the top of my head, but I'm sure there were plenty. Maybe I can't remember because I'm blocking all of the painful teenaged memories. LOL. However, I'll admit that when I run our of deodorant I'll use my hubby's. So sometimes I walk around smelling like a man. Ha! At least we don't stink, right? :)

Shannon said...

I was going to call you "dude," but somehow, after that story, it just feels wrong. =)

I have a lot of painful middle school stories. I'd be writing for PAGES if I started. Just know that you're not alone. <3