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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Another Wardrobe Malfunction

I've got a wonderful husband.

(and no, he doesn't read my blog, so I'm not sucking up to him or anything)

He does the bulk of the household maintenance - the cleaning, dishes, and laundry.

I told you, he's wonderful. AND he was like this before I started writing.  I hear my friends complain about their man's inability to bring a dirty dish into the kitchen let alone WASH it without being told, and I feel blessed.  I DO appreciate him and how good I have it, so don't take what I'm about to say too seriously.

He can't sort worth $hit.  

It's very flattering that he thinks my daughter's itty bitty T-shirts or underwear could be mine, but how does he think MY not-so-itty and definitely not-too-bitty T-shirts are hers?  Each week my daughter and I exchange the look when we swap our piles of mis-sorted clothes back to their rightful owner.

The other day I was getting dressed and pulled a pair of black jeans down from the closet shelf.  
I put a leg in and frowned.  This did not feel right.  
I put my other leg in.  No.  Something was definitely wrong.  
They were so tight!

I wiggled and jiggled the damn things up to my waist.  There was NO WAY these were my jeans. Hubs must have mixed them up in the laundry. 

I took them off and checked the brand.  Nope, they were mine.  My daughter won't touch this brand.  They HAD to fit.  I'd just worn them a couple days before. Hubs must have washed them in hot and overdried them so they shrank more than normal.  

Yeah.  That had to be it.

A little stretching is all they needed. I tried again.

One leg, two leg. Tug, tug, tug.  UGH!  Had I really been eating THAT much?  I looked at the gap between button and button hole.  There was NO WAY I was going to be able to close that gap, not even if I laid down on the bed and climbed up the wall with my feet until I was practically standing on my head.

Disgusted, I took them off.  I checked the size and laughed (I probably should have cried)...these jeans were 2 years old!  They just happened to be the same exact brand of the pair I'd just bought.  

It's pretty damn depressing to realize how the pounds have creeped back over the last year. It has definitely motivated me to get my rear in gear and back to the gym.

Mostly, though, I was relieved to know I DID still have a pair of black jeans that fit (and I'm wearing them today, in honor of this post).

How did it happen? I have an extra-wide shelf in my closet.  Clothes that don't fit but I don't want to get rid of get tossed into the back row.  That's also where I hide all the Christmas presents.  When I'd pulled my bags of goodies out for wrapping, these forgotten jeans were mixed in with my others.  

So who is hitting the gym with me in the new year? 
(and please don't tell my husband about the accusations I wrongfully flung his way)


Rayna M. Iyer said...

It is also black, though not a pair of jeans. It was a pair of black trousers I had paid an arm and a leg for three years back to treat myself for the weight I had lost. It had somehow got lost with my winter clothing and I discovered it after two years a few days back. Needless to say, it doesn't fit.
Does that answer your question of who's hitting the gym with you?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Remember, at least he tries!
And I always hit the gym. Just need to stop hitting the food, too.

TerryLynnJohnson said...

I thought you were writing about my man there for a minute. He also does most of the chores! I gives me the kids undies. Yay! Too funny about pants! I'm with you. Let's make a pact. We'll do it together.

Olivia J. Herrell said...

Still grinning here. :D Gym, no. Tape over mouth, yes. I'm shedding 35 pounds before my birthday on June 30th. That's 1 1/2 pounds a week between now and then and I CAN DO THAT! (psyching myself up) And I'll walk. Do yoga.

So yeah. I'm with ya! that rebel, Olivia

Olivia J. Herrell said...

PS, great hubs!

Lenny Lee* said...

hi miss vicki! im gonna be a real good hubs some day cause im a dish washer and a laundry doer and a house cleaner helper. i dont need to go at the gym cause i could need to add on some fat. but for sure i could need some better fitting pants cause when i eat lots i gotta undo the button. my brother says the best pants are those expando ones. ha ha.
...laughs and hugs from lenny

Angela Felsted said...

Too bad you can't blame the weight gain on your husband. "You drove me to eating, honey--what with how you always missort my clothes!"

Nope, it doesn't work. I wish my husband did laundry. How lucky you are.

Carol Kilgore said...

No gym, although I'd definitely benefit. Maybe I'll just dance along to Beyonce with that baby :)

Happy New Year!

LTM said...

LOL at you... and OMG! My silly husband does the same thing--he puts the girls' panties in my stack and vice versa... I'm like "seriously?" (They're 7 and 8!)

You have a happy new year, and don't pull anything w/overzealous new workout regimens. ;p <3U~

Mary Vaughn said...

What do I get not to tell hubby? (insert evil sounds here) Visions of... oops, wrong holiday.
You-tube in your future?! LOL

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I need some treadmill time...

Holly said...

I will be hitting my basement more readily... and the walking path at the park. I'm have equipment of my own because I am SO NOT an exercise in public person...

As for the jeans... yeah, I have a bunch of those... and I have to swap clothes after the "sort" with my SON!!! LOL!!

Nicki Elson said...

Hahaha. This whole post made me laugh---must be rough having a husband who gives you so little material to work with when trying to vent with the other wives, huh?

And let's hit that gym! I've got too many jeans pushed to the side waiting for a "skinny day."

amy said...

LOL. I am working on getting my exercise mojo back, but it's tough in the winter. Definitely going to work harder in the coming year!

Nicole MacDonald said...

*lol* mine tries hard too :) he does very well 99% of the time.. and as for getting fit and all that - yeah consider me on that bandwagon *grin*

The Arrival, book one of the BirthRight Trilogy, on Amazon 1.1.2011

Jules said...

Sorry but I still have the mental image of the one leg, two leg, cannot span the gap vision in my head (LOL) No gym but I'm with you on getting in shape.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

ed pilolla said...

this is so funny. you did a really effective job of leading the reader to believe that they HAD to be your daughter's jeans. i was actually thinking she has to know and she's just secretly seeing if she can get into them. delightful. i love the look you exchange with your daughter while exchanging clothes. that's awesome imagery.

Dawn said...

Last week, I had a wardrobe malfunction of mass proportions and vowed that this WILL be the year I get in shape. So yeah, girlfriend, I'll meet you at the gym. Have a great New Year. xo

Clarissa Draper said...

I have a goal to walk everyday. I need to for my health. And I want to eat healthier because my jeans are starting to not fit as well.