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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Logline - Final....I think

I have dozens of variations at this point, but I'm going to just pick this one because it's one sentence...and I never would have thought three days ago I could get this whittled down to just ONE sentence.



After pushing his luck once too often, bored-out-of-his-ever-lovin'-17-centuries-old-demigod-mind Murphy is hurtled to Earth where he must learn to appreciate the mortals he's dissed for centuries if he is to have a prayer of going home again.


EDITED TO ADD:
ACK.  That is a bit awkward, isn't it? Guess that's what happens when I write at 3 AM! (I'm going to have to look at the WIP to see what I did to that in the middle of the night...)


Back to basics:

Bored out of his ever-lovin'-17-centuries-old-mind, demigod Murphy pushes the limits until his mama hurtles him to Earth for a crash course in human sensitivity training.  To get his life back, Murphy must learn to appreciate the mortals he's dissed for centuries.

There.  Final FINAL answer.

Unless, of course, we're going for brevity:

A bored immortal is sent to Earth to relearn the meaning of life.


Still technically accurate, but ummmmm....not as much fun.

14 comments:

Bish Denham said...

Ooooo, good one Vicki!

Sandra said...

Well, I love it. "Hurtle" is one of my favourite verbs! Most definitely works. I don't see how you could possibly improve. It's funny, informative and punchy.

LTM said...

wait... I think the hyphenated bit is funny, but a bit long. I liked that one Stina helped you write... wasn't that Stina?

(Is this for that Baker's Dozen thing?)

Shellie said...

I don't know, Vicki. It's a bit of a mouthful. I think restructure it a bit. Maybe two sentences. A log line has to sum up the story with the fewest words possible, right? Not necessarily with just one sentences (unless, of course that was what was specified).

Carolyn V. said...

Vicki!!! I love it! The voice is great. Yes, it may be a bit long and perhaps you can take out a word or two, but I think it's fab! Now I totally want to read it! =D

Shellie said...

Vicki, love the final final. To be clear, that would be this one: "Bored out of his ever-lovin'-17-centuries-old-mind, demigod Murphy pushes the limits until his mama hurtles him to Earth for a crash course in human sensitivity training. To get his life back, Murphy must learn to appreciate the mortals he's dissed for centuries."

This is great!

Nicole Zoltack said...

Love the 'ever-lovin'-17-centuries-old-mind', the human sensitivity training', the 'mortals he's dissed for centuries'... in short, I love it! :)

annaliterally said...

Much better! Good job!

Emy Shin said...

I love the final final. I think it's a great logline. Definitely would pick it up in a store!

Steena Holmes said...

Okay - I grabbed your logline :) The last one you posted .. if you've updated it - email me and I'll switch it :) steenah@telus.net

Marieke said...

I love it! :D Grats!!!! :D

Rachel Morgan said...

Congratulations on winning! I would LOVE to read this book :-)

roh morgon said...

I loved this when I read it - it has a really cool premise. Thought I'd commented on it then (in fact, I'm sure I did). But regardless, congratulations on your win! This was definitely one of the most outstanding (and memorable) loglines!

Najela said...

Congrats on winning, this one sounds like one of the most interesting stories in the logline contest. You definitely deserved the win. =)