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Monday, September 6, 2010

Mock Me Monday - The Ummm Visit

Remember a looong time ago when I teased you with a post I chickened out on at the last minute?  This is that story.  I've done so much chronic over-sharing since then, this seems anti-climactic.

We're going back in time.  Just a few years, so don't worry about taking your Dramamine. 

I had just started a new job.  I had only been there a few weeks, but long enough to know the boss was a persnickety kinda guy.

For instance, when I started I was relieved to see he had taken the time to create a checklist for things I would be doing.  This was a tremendous help when we had a new client coming in and I needed to have the associated paperwork ready.  There was a checklist of what documents to use, what order to put them in, where to find them. Very useful, especially to an eager new employee.

However, as I settled in, I found the endless checklists a little more oppressive.

There was a checklist OF checklists.  Yeah.  There was one telling me what to do when I came in.  Simple things like checking messages, putting my purse away, turning on the lights.  Every possible scenario was accounted for.

I had to check the printer for paper every single day.  Some days we never printed anything, but still I had to check. And if I skipped a day, it seemed THAT was the day we ran out...I can't prove it, but I wondered if he were taking paper out after I left at night to see if I was really following the checklist like I was supposed to.

At the end of every day I had to clear my desk off COMPLETELY (any in-progress work was stashed in a drawer).  Oh.  And then I had to Windex my desk.  Fingerprints were not permitted.

So, yeah.  
Even outgoing mail was hidden from view
Appearance was everything.

Getting a picture?

So after a few weeks, I got my period.  I know, a little more information than you wanted, but since most of you are women, I KNOW you understand.  I also bet you just cringed, huh?  Wondering what God-awful thing is going to happen to me to make it into Mock Me Monday post.

It's probably not as bad as you're thinking, if that helps alleviate any of your stress.

On this particular day, I was left to lock up the office. Before I did, though, I ran to the restroom (just outside our office and in the hall) to take care of some hygienic needs before heading home.  Sometimes, a twenty minute drive is ten minutes too long, as I'm sure you are all aware.

The bathroom was, like the office, very nice.  There was probably enough room for two or three stalls, but it was just one toilet.  As the only woman working on this side of the office building, it was mine, all MINE!
My only beef was the toilet-garbage-sink were in separate corners, making their use not-quite convenient.

I wrapped the trash remnants in toilet paper and set it on the edge of the sink while I pulled up my hose and skirt.  I thought I heard the phone ringing so I rushed to finish.

An hour later, after we'd eaten supper, it hit me.  Had I thrown the toilet paper bundle away?  I remembered putting it by the sink while I straightened my clothes.  I remembered washing my hands.  But no matter how hard I thought, I could NOT remember throwing it away.

Oh no.

I pictured Mr. P (for Persnickety, of course) finding it when he checked the restrooms as he did EVERY SINGLE MORNING.

I was sick to my stomach.  If he found my little trash bundle, he was going to FLIP.  He would create a How To Use the Bathroom checklist.  How humiliating to be lectured by a man on something like that.  Ugh.

As minutes passed, I got more and more uncomfortable. Finally, knowing I wouldn't rest until I KNEW, I hopped in the car and drove clear across town to check.

Luckily, when I peeked in the restroom, the sink was empty.  I had thrown it away after all.


Disaster averted.  

See?  A little anti-climactic.   While typing this up, though, I was reminded of a few other incidents (not involving Mr. P) that would make great posts so I'll type those up soon...a little more drama in those.


Mason Canyon said...

Okay, next time reminds us not to be drinking coffee as we're reading. Sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh. Don't you just hate those times when you get a memory in your mind but can't move it to the next point to make sure you did what you were suppose to do?

Hope you have a great Labor Day.

Thoughts in Progress

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

I hate it when my brain does that to me too. I can understand why you drove all the way back though. A 'place your rubbish in the trash receptical' list wouldn't be fun. And it wasn't like there was anyone else to buffer the blame.

Jen said...

I agree with Mason Canyon... I know I should know not to drink anything while reading ALL of your posts but for some reason lazy old me needs reminding.

I'm SO glad that you had taken care of it. I would have driven up to the office as well JUST TO MAKE SURE!

Justine Dell said...

OMG, that was hilarious! And the description of your boss cracked me up, too. That's me :-) So sad, I know. Maybe I'll loosen up now.

Bish Denham said...

OMG! Almost the same exact thing happened to me! Only...I actually left my bundle on the sink. Luckily a co-worker (and good friend) found it and disposed of it, telling me about it quietly.

Carol Kilgore said...

I've worked for bosses like this. We couldn't throw away a paper clip. He went through the trash. Aren't we happy they're history!

LTM said...

what a well-paced post! I was so stressed out wondering if you'd thrown the package away! :D But that's mostly b/c I think you and I worked for the same guy... ;p People like that seem to make things easy but in fact they make it all very hard.

For you:

LTM said...

(just realized in all the BBQ fun I forgot to hit the "follow" button here--lol! I was wondering why I didn't get this in my G-Reader... :D fixed~)

Manzanita said...

I'm a left over from the BBQ. Monday morning. I was delighted by your story. Often when I leave my house, I turn around to check if I left the stove on or really locked the door. Too many distractions. That boss must have been the life of an office party.

I laughed when I saw you use Holy Moly. Seems to be a favorite expression of mine too. :)

Wanna buy a duck

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

How hilarious! That poor man needs to realize life's not to be controlled so closely. Damn. He's practically asking for a heart attack. And, one day he's going to cross paths with the sort of person that enjoys creating chaos just for people like himself! I pity him, when that happens!

Talli Roland said...

Oh my. I totally understand! Ugh,just the thought that I might not have thrown it away would have kept me stressing all night. I'd have returned, too!

Lenny Lee! said...

hi miss vicki! i cant believe that boss you had did so much lists and you even had to windex off your desk cause of finger prints. people like that my brother alex says have OPD and he says that means obnoxious personality disorder. ha ha. for that lady stuff my sister is 14 and yep sometimes she gets in a hurry and misses the trash can. then us guys gotta pick it up and toss it. ick! im glad you went back and tossed it so you couldnt get in trouble.
...laughs and hugs from lenny

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, girl... :-)

Elana Johnson said...

Wow, I can't imagine working with a checklist like that and I LIKE lists! Funny story!

Theresa Milstein said...

A checklist of checklists? This guy needs to back off a little. What would happen if the printer ran out of paper and you had to rush to fill it? I'm all for lists, but this is a little too much!

Jemi Fraser said...

I'm afraid the Checklist of Checklists would have been the final straw for me. I'd have lost it! I'm so glad you really had tossed it - that would have been so stressful!

aspiring_x said...

oh my goodness!!!! YIKES!!! good thing you hadn't forgotten!! ohmy! you have the BEST stories! :)

Carolyn V. said...

Wow. That would be so difficult to work under! I love checklists, but I can only take them so far!

DL Hammons said...

I would have purposely left it there for him to find, with a note attached.

"This is me...sloughing off!" :)