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Monday, September 20, 2010

Mock Me Monday - Indecent Exposure

For once I'm going to tell you a story where I didn't do anything stupid or embarrassing. 

My husband is a bit of a sports nut.  He especially loves football.  College football, if you want me to be specific.  

I do not.

I don't mind going to a game with him, but to sit at home on a beautiful Saturday afternoon and watch one game after another seems about as boring and pointless to me as shopping (without buying anything) seems to him.

So, we reached a truce early on.  He'd stay home and watch football and I'd go get my groove on at the mall...or wherever.  

Marriage is all about compromise, you see.

Well, back in those days I didn't drive.  I would take the bus wherever I wanted to go.  After finishing at the mall, I went to the bus stop, but had just missed the bus.  I hate just sitting and waiting, especially since the next one wasn't due for an HOUR. 

I walked in the direction I needed to go figuring I would catch the next bus somewhere further down the line.  I happened to pass a McDonald's, and since I had time to kill I went in and ordered a cheeseburger and a Diet Coke.

I sat in a seat by the window and relaxed. 

This restaurant had a counter with 'bar stools'  just off to my left.  I noticed a guy reading a newspaper, and even though he looked perfectly ordinary, my eyes were drawn to him.  He held the paper open and up in the air so I couldn't see his face at all.

Then I noticed you could see a pinholes of light through the paper.  HE was watching people!  Curious, I kept my eye on him.  

What was he up to?  

Was he spying on some cheating spouse?

Was he casing the restaurant for a robbery attempt?
What was going on?

I soon had my answer.  Somehow, he managed to keep the paper up in front of his face by holding the paper with one hand while he reached down with his other and pulled his shorts off to the side fully exposing himself!  

I laughed.

Probably not the reaction he was looking for, and after a few minutes he just as discreetly covered himself again.   

I probably should have reported him, but I grabbed my drink and left.

I used to work at a McDonald's when I was in my late teens and there was a couple who would go through the drive thru periodically.  The girl in the passenger seat would (at some point) expose herself--usually pulling her top down while her boyfriend would stall and ask for more napkins or ketchup or ice water.  I would get whatever they asked for but give no indication that I'd noticed the half-dressed girl in the front seat. 

Not sure how I managed to keep my cool because the minute they drove off I told all my coworkers! hahaha.

Sorry if you were expecting this to be a story of MY indecent exposure...just seems I've had more than my share of odd experiences like this over the years.

Have you ever been flashed by anyone?


Jolene Perry said...

My good friend went to high school in... yep... Las Vegas. There was this guy that all the students called Old Larry and He's walk by the classroom windows with his coat pulled wide open and nothing on underneath.
She said it got to be so routine that even the high school kids stopped paying him much attention. "There's Larry at it again, someone should call the police or something..."

Bish Denham said...

Personally this has never happened to me. But I think if some guy explosed himself I'd point and laugh. As my dad used to say, "If you haven't seen it before, throw a rock at it."

Angela said...

Thankfully, I've never been flashed by anyone except my young children who have some odd love for running around naked. Good for you for not freaking out.

Janet Johnson said...

Wow, Angela, we're living the same life. I have one boy who embarrasses me all the time with his unconcern. But I have thankfully never been flashed by anyone else.

Theresa Milstein said...

Why did so many people flash you?! I enjoy your blog because there's always an interesting twist and you make me laugh. Happy Monday!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Yes. One traumatized me because of the situation (Late at night. He was seedy. I was alone. And he was only a few feet away from me in the bus shelter. I had to get past him to escape.).

The other time was funny because it was in the middle of the day, and a grandma was heading toward us. She looked like the kind who would have bash him over the head with her beach bag and given him quite the earful. Plus he was several yards away and obviously a teen. The other guy was in his thirties and I was a teen.

Tamara Narayan said...

I've never been flashed and hope I never am. Yuck! The newspaper man is bizarre; maybe you can work that into a book.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

As much as I'd like for women to flash me, sadly they don't. Just my wife. (Who does enjoy watching football with me. Just, not all day.)

Jen said...

It seems that maybe this is becoming an Iowa Trend because I can relate to a lot of your stories and frankly it's starting to creep me out... just saying.

I've been flashed by two boys when I was in middle school. Details don't matter, just know I was scarred for life. Okay maybe details do matter, you remember that boy that ran around the school to ask me out and the other who yelled from the roof of his parents tool shed? Those two were the culprits... it seems No didn't have boundaries for them.

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

I've never been flashed by anyone myself. That newspaper guy sounded bizarre though.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

I've had two such was a drive by...or a drive up? A guy drove up beside a friend and I in college and was ummm well you know...happy to see us...we sped off! (Laughing)

The other was a flasher in St. Petersburg, FL on the beach....He was proud of himself...and wanted everyone else to see why....

Carolyn V. said...

Wow. I've never been flashed before.
That guy with the newspaper. Ew.

Nicole MacDonald said...

Well... I guess I kinda have..

It was the first time I'd been bodypainted and it gives you this insane sense of freedom ;p I was painted in a peacock influenced dress and over each of my boobies (yes I'm blushing!) they painted the large eye of the feather. Was a beautiful paint, my fav ever :) And anyway we were on a cruise around the harbour for it. After around midnight we were done and I just threw a t-shirt and jeans over the top then wandered into the cabin where the captian and others were. Maybe it was due to tiredness but I suspect more childlike glee.. I yanked my t-shirt up and flashed them my painted boobies....

A friend bumped into them not long ago and even though they'd seen us all fully painted they still remembered that as the best part of the night.. something about giant eyes popping out *blush*

Aaaa yah only live once! ;p

Little Ms J said...

I so don't get flashers.

Ann said...

Stalked but never flashed.

Ed Pilolla said...

hahaha! what a nut, holes in a newspaper. i know several women who have been flashed on the subway or 'el' in chicago. laughing is probably the most evolved reaction you could have had.

Hannah Kincade said...

Uh...I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to an attorney. If I can't afford an attorney one will be provided to me by the state.