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Monday, June 21, 2010

Mock Me Monday - The Softball Field

 Had a lovely weekend in NW Iowa with the fam.  Spent the day at Lake Okoboji / Arnold's Park.  It was lovely to let the kids play in the lake and literally walk into the amusement park while they were still dripping from the lake.  It was a small/older park, but we had a great time!

Now, without further ado, I present you with the latest installment of Mock Me Monday....

A few years ago, Miss C was playing softball (boy, could she hit that sucker).  If you have kids, you know that the schedule of games and practices can be grueling, especially when you have other children and a job.  

At the time, Miss K was about 4 and little Mr. C was 2.  Mr. C. was a terror at the ball field.  Devoted brother that he is, he only wanted to run out on the field with the big girls and hug his sister.  Or else he would RUN nonstop for the hour or however long practices lasted.  

It was exhausting.

But this is not about my darling angel -- except to say that hubs and I quickly learned the previous season it was best to divide and conquer where he was concerned.  One of us stayed home with the boy while the other would go to the field to watch practice.

This particular day, it was my turn.    I don't know what sadist schedules these practices, but I scarcely had time to run home and eat after work before hustling out the door again to take her to the field.  I couldn't have been the only parent who worked a 9-5 job!

Miss K begged to come with, so I agreed.  I'd have someone to talk to while sitting on the hard bleachers.

I felt self-conscious the minute I got to the field.  Not only was I the only mother present, I was overdressed having come right from work.  The dads were in shorts and sweatpants while I had a skirt suit on, complete with panty hose and knee-high boots.  

We sat on the bleachers a little off from the other parents.  Seconds later, Miss K announced she had to go to the bathroom.  I led her to the little brick building only to discover they were locked.  Apparently they only unlock them for actual games.  So, I put her in the car and rushed her to a nearby Hardee's to use their restroom.

While she was doing her business, I noticed the zipper on my boot had snagged my hose and there was a nasty run.  I took my hose off and threw them in the trash.  By then my daughter was done so we went back to the field.  We reclaimed our seats.

Miss K started to peek up my skirt.  I pulled it down again.  After a few minutes of this, she turned up the volume.  "Mommy, why did you take your panties off?"  It was loud enough for the other fathers to hear, though they pretended like they didn't.  I explained softly that I did NOT take my panties off, I had taken my hose off.  

She asked again.

And again.

And again.

Louder and louder.  Men were snickering.  I was mortified.  I told her again (loud enough for the men to hear now, trying to do some damage control) that I took my hose off and that I did still have underwear on.

(peeking up my skirt again), "I want to see."  

It was a fun practice, I tell ya.  And it was a long time before I (a) wore a skirt to the field or (b) brought Miss K with me.


Nicole MacDonald said...

Aaahhh I love how normally un-inquisitive kids will suddenly do this in situations like above - when they normally wouldn't even bat an eyelid!

chasing empty pavements said...

I forgot you are a fellow Iowan! And this story is pretty hilarious. Kids are just so darn funny sometimes!

Lenny said...

hahahahahahaha! thats a really funny story. ...hugs from lenny

Jen said...

I would have been mortified!!!!!! Holy crap kids just don't know when to stop, I'm wondering if you'll want to have her tag along next time! You compose yourself very nicely!!

I love Lake Okoboji!

Mason Canyon said...

Love the story. It's amazing what will capture kids' attention and how they can point you on the spot without ever realizing it.

JustineDell said... are soooo funny!

And, yeah - when you go to the practices and see all those other parents, it makes you feel like you are the only one who works 9-5, right? And the bathrooms, Gah!! That's just awful! Why would they do that? I mean, kids gotta use the bathroom during practice too, don't they?

Another reason I loathe sports. LoL


Stina Lindenblatt said...

ROFL. Just think of the revenge you'll have when they're teens. (Or are they teens now? I can't remember).

My son (he was two at the time) used to announce in the washroom that I have a tattoo of Thumper on my butt. But fortunately it came out as, "Mommy, youhavebunnyserbum." :)

Dawn said...

LOL. Too funny. And I thought it was just 13-year-olds that like to embarrass... Mine went to the mall wearing a "tampon" necklace. She'd dampened the end so it puffed out like a "ghost", drew two black eyes on it and called him "boo." Sigh.

Creepy Query Girl said...

Awe, LOL- that's hilarious! You poor thing. Kids just have a talent for bluring out the worst things at the worst times. Karma baby.

Wendy Ramer said...

Kids say the damndest things. Fortunately, my daughter is at the age where I can turn the tables on her if I need to shut her up since she suddenly cares very much what other people think about her ;-)

Talli Roland said...

Hahaha! Oh, kids. Gotta love 'em!

Great story!

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Haha. I love and hate how kids have the ability to embarrass people in about ten seconds but pretend they don't know what they are doing. lol.

Angela said...

Can't stop laughing.

Carolyn V. said...

LOL. How funny! My kids say things like that too. I try to ignore the redness in my face, but it never works. =)

Lydia Kang said...

That was so funny! Kids are so good at embarrassing us. I would have gone bright red if that happened to me!

Anonymous said...

Oh. Poor you. Little kids really do mortify you and put you in embarrassing situations, a lot!

Disgruntled Bear said...

LOL, Vicki! Thanks for sharing this. I have a needlepoint in my dining room with my mantra:

"Always remember that today's crisis is tomorrow's amusing story."

Julie Musil said...

Seriously, your stories crack me up!

And the ones you posted on my blog? Hilarious!

Janet Johnson said...

My stomach hurts from laughing so hard! Aren't kids the best?

Ed Pilolla said...

i love kids, sometimes:)
very funny.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

OMG! I am laughing so hard I can hardly type this comment. I'm NOT going to tell you how many times I've had to hit delete and start again already. My husband is in the other room wanting to know what's so funny! Should I tell him?! Ha ha ha ha ha! I'll still be laughing in the morning! :-)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Yes, I'm back again. Why? Because I'm STILL laughing! Vicki, you are on my bad list - it's midnight, I was just getting ready for bed, and now I have giant tears pouring down my face and CANNOT stop laughing. Although, my hubby had a pretty good chuckle too. OMG! My sides hurt. :-)