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Monday, December 22, 2014

If I Giggle, It Posts....

There has been an ongoing banter with a coworker about my trip to England next year and somehow our witty exchanges have become cow-focused for several weeks now.  We even have a bet that I will not see a cow while I'm visiting.  (He's soooo going to lose). 

Always looking for a way to gain the upper hand in any debate, I decided it would be funny to find a big poster of a cow and put it in his cubicle while he was away on travel, but what I found was soooo much better!

Meet Bessie.  A nearly life-size cardboard cow. Here we are hanging out last night as I bid her farewell...

And this is where Bessie is now.  

I couldn't just stop at the cow, though.  That was funny, but I still needed to punch it up a bit.  And so, I used every cow pun I could think of:  Don't Have a Cow Man, Happy Moo Year, Cowabunga, Heifer Self a Merry Little Christmas, etc. and posted them all over his cube.  The sign on the cow's rear says "BEWARE of the Dairy-Air" 

But even that wasn't enough.  So I scoured the web for cow cartoons and printed out my favorites to line his desk.  The best are below:

And my ABSOLUTE favorite.  The one that makes me giggle out loud every time I see it:


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Taking a Teen's Cell Phone....

Recently my daughter decided to leave the comfort and protection of our home and sneak out to go meet up with a (gasp!) BOY.  Our local police department put a swift end to her little adventure with a 2 a.m. phone call from my little darling and one of our city's finest.

She promptly got grounded, though that's not very effective when the only places your kid goes is school and home. BUT I also took away all electronics, and THAT seems to have hit the spot.  Since then, I've been receiving pleas to get her phone back...

First, the drawing (note my extra long arms):

ME: You've been a great child, here's your phone.
HER: Wow. Thanks Mom.

Then there was the LIST...

And ANOTHER list...

And then, finally, there was the letter:

Favorite line:  I grow more every day.
I'm not the same silly immature child I was on Tuesday.

(I especially like the deliberate misspelling and poor grammar)

Dear Mom,
I need my phone back.  I’m going through a withdrawal of no internet.

W/O internet ma speling iz gonna goe. I ned it so ma gramer an vokabulure donut leave. I hv 2 pass eith greatde or I wil b sad. Plz mum helpe a gurl owt an giv bak hur celuler divis. Or els I wil live with yu 4eva an eva until thuh daye yu dye.

Let’s save my grades and spelling with connection to the outside world, I learn new slang definitions every day! Being isolated from my world of cool kids will cause me to go insane. In fact, I already have.

Agin yu cood hv 2 live with thiss horibul speling 4eva an handrighting like Cody’s. donut lete thiss happin 2 yu.

So Mom, I grow more every day. I’m not the same silly immature child I was on Tuesday. I will not sneak out again for stupid reasons like so. But if Eminem ever comes to Marion at 2 a.m. I might. Just a warning. So I should have my phone. It’s very important to my vital social skills.

Thx Mum!!!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things - 9/19

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants.

It's been awhile since I put up something new for the celebration, but only because Friday keeps sneaking up on me.  This week, we're celebrating THINGS THAT MADE ME LAUGH.

1.  Epic dot battle on a coworker's white board.  He deserved it.

2. THIS review.  OMG, I laughed until I cried all my make up off.  

3. My Kids.  When the dog refused to go for a walk, my son decided to walk the leash instead.

BONUS: My daughter wrote me the funniest letter ever, but it deserves its own post. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014


We're in the market for a new car, which (of course) means we have to square off with that dreaded beast, the car salesman.  To our credit, I think our last few deals have been remarkably better than our first few were, but it's still a complete drag.  You have to watch every word you say from the moment they shake your hand because much like the justice system, every word you say CAN and WILL be used against you in the finance room.

So, we went to look on Sunday when the lot is closed so we could look in peace. My husband surprised me last night by suggesting we go to the lot to look again, knowing full well we'd probably be driving a new car home as our negotiating skills have improved over the years, but our general will power to walk away has not.

When we get to the lot, I set the stopwatch on my phone and we take bets on how long it will take for the salesman to accost us.  I've seen it happen in less than 30 seconds. Hell, sometimes my seat belt is still on when they are striding our way.  I guessed 2 minutes.  Hubs was a little more optimistic at 5.

We passed the 30 second mark safely, then the minute.  Wow.  We managed to scrutinize several window stickers without being harassed.  Two minutes come and go, then three and four.  I started feeling insulted.  What, didn't we look like viable customers?  I've never NOT been assaulted by a salesman on a car lot.  And we were clearly interested, with my daughter draping herself across the hood of one car or another and the man and I peering through windows and pointing out features.

Five minutes.  No salesman.  We head over to the used section.  We had planned to lease a new vehicle, but the car bug had taken hold and a recent model used car could be purchased for about the same as a new lease, monthly payment wise.  

At seven minutes, I put my phone away.  Up and down the aisles we went.  Finally, after narrowing it down to a couple, we decided to bite the bullet and go find a salesman inside. Twenty minutes had passed and no one had even said hello.  I was feeling miffed at being ignored and would have been happy to teach them a lesson by driving off, but no...the lure of a new car was too strong!

And that's when we realized the dealership closed at 6:00 (about the time we left our house).  I guess we just weren't meant to buy a car. LOL

Monday, August 11, 2014


I really did it this time, folks.  For an intelligent woman, I do some really stupid stuff sometimes.  Case in point:

We didn't over-plan our vacation, but we did have a few must-have stops on the list.  One was a tour of Paramount Studios and the other was a trip to the beach.  

If you've not been to L.A., let me give you one piece of advice:  if you find a bathroom, use it.  Every time.  Even if you don't have to go.  Back here in the Midwest, public bathrooms are a way of life.  Everywhere you go there's a restroom open -- and most are nice!  Not so L.A.  In order to keep the homeless away from their businesses, none of them let the public use their facilities.  In fact, they will look you straight in the eye and swear they don't have any toilets at all...but you know that can't be true -- who can hold it through an 8 hour shift at work?

So anyway, we had planned for a morning tour of Paramount, then lunch, then the beach.  I decided the most prudent course of action would be to put my swimsuit on under my clothes so I wouldn't have to hunt out a mythical restroom to change into it later.

Three of us had near bladder explosions before Paramount.  We searched for an hour but couldn't find a public restroom.  My daughter even downloaded a bathroom app on her phone!  I congratulated myself on the bathing suit scheme.  I was ready to go, even if we didn't find another restroom.

I had a little wardrobe malfunction when I took my t-shirt off in the beach parking lot.  This was a new suit, so I didn't think anything of it.  Just made a mental note to watch the straps a little more carefully.

But once in the water I noticed not only did the straps seem to be placed weird, they were SEE THROUGH.  Oh my.  But then, after bouncing in the waves for 10-15 minutes I figured it out.

I'd gotten dressed in the dark and put my swimsuit on BACKWARDS.  

I think I owe a public apology to everyone who was at Venice Beach that day.....

Friday, August 8, 2014

Celebrate the Small Things

It's Friday, that means it's time for another installation of VikLit's Celebrate the Small Things.  Go HERE to sign up or see a list of participants.

I've been a bad participant, but it's only because Fridays keep sneaking up on me.  If I listed everything I've been celebrating since my last post, you'd be here a long, long time.  So let's keep it to my standard 3 so you can be on your way. 

1. It took 4 years, but I finally heard from THIS GUY. (Keeping his name off the blog now, no need to harrass him for an eternity).

2. VACATION!  Got home Sunday night from a week in Las Vegas and Los Angeles. (Now if someone can please help me get that Walking In LA song out of my head....)

3. FAMILY!  While on vacation, I got to see lots of family, it doesn't get better than that!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

The Search Is Over!!!

If you've been with me for awhile, you may remember the crazy dream I had a few years ago about moving to Chicago and being invited by my new neighbor to go to Morocco for the weekend with him and his daughters.  I Googled his name when I woke up and discovered there really WAS a Craig Niedermaier in the Chicagoland area and so began my quest to lure him to the blog to leave a comment.

It took nearly four years, but the search is finally over. I'm officially declaring July 29th as Craig Niedermaier Day.  I think a celebration is in order, don't you? 

Mr. Niedermaier, if you're reading this, I just want to thank you for being a good sport!